LIFE: It's all about taking chances.

If you wait, it will come :)

2012-02-06T04:41:00.000-07:00

After many times trying and failing, and having insecurities and doubts, and surviving so much pain and confusion. I've done something awesome.

I'd like you to meet the boy who has changed my life.

This is Eric :)

He is my boyfriend.... Of a month on Saturday :) Yep! A whole month. If you know me well, you know full well that me and relationships do NOT mix, however, this guy here has totally proved me wrong.

I went from being a non believer in love,

To being someone in love.

I'm not gonna get all mushy, but I just wanted you all to know in case you heard rumors or what not.

He's pretty much perfect.

Ladies, your man will come eventually. I promise. So, keep taking chances, because I SWEAR they pay off. Big time. <3

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

2012-01-11T02:39:00.000-07:00

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

There are two people who write music that I respect so, so much.
Taylor Swift

And Kelly Clarkson.

Why???

Because, you don't see them sleeping around with everyone, or doing drugs, or drinking like mad. No, you see two self respecting woman doing what they love... And getting back at the boys who hurt them.

However, I also look up to...

Beautiful Adele.

Why?????

Because, when producers told her she needed to lose weight, she said, "I don't make music for they eyes, I make music for the ears."

I think people often forget the pressure of society, how the "new thing" is to see your ribs and what not. Pffffffft.

I'm freaking proud of my curves. I would hate to wake up one day and be a stick, no curvy form what so ever.

I'm glad some famous singers stick up for their weight, and refuse to be what the world wants. Even during this shallow time, role models are still rising from the ground.

Awesome :)

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

2011-12-29T03:37:00.000-07:00

I've come to the conclusion that I'm really hard on myself.

I shouldn't be, it's just a habit. I expect the best out of myself, before I expect ridiculous things from others. If only more people thought like me.

People have been doing "Year in Review" posts. I'm not too sure if I want to do one, only because this year hasn't gone as I wanted it too, but at the same time, the past is the past for a reason. Why remember your mistakes and misfortunes, when you can instead look forward to new beginnings and adventures?

No one is perfect, often a phrase we forget, especially in this day and age. Not every boy will text you constantly, no one will ask you out when you want them too, dates don't go as plan, heck, you might even be sitting at home alone on weekends instead of going to parties and hanging with friends. That's not a bad thing.

That doesn't mean your life is over.

Life is always an adventure, a book that we can never find, a chapter that is always being written. Girls are just as much to blame for hurt and pain, and not every romance starts with once upon a time.

Sometimes, we judge people too quickly. People, their actions, their looks. Why do we do such hurtful things?

We call people awful names. Our ability to speak in grammatical and logical sentences is deteriorating at an alarming pace. Some people who read this won't understand half of the words used in that last sentence.

What we want to be when we grow up will always change. From when we're small, to when we're old. I've noticed that we go from wanting to become a certain occupation, to wishing we were better people, more environmentally friendly, or just hoping that our kids don't end up on 16 and Pregnant. Our goals in life change dramatically. The people we surround ourselves with, change both in body, and mind.

Our occupations change because of the economy, and many find themselves going back to college to pursue a different dream. Our ability to plan ahead is slowly becoming a phase.

But all of this happens because we ALLOW it too. No one is forcing us to change our dreams, wants, desires, we do it ourselves.

Therefore, one thing I want to do during this coming year, is to stick to one thing the whole year. Whether it's a dream, a goal, or a relationship with one of my friends. Whether it's to put a smile on someones face, or to just go on a date on a Saturday. I'm going to find something that makes me want to be happy, and stick to it. For a whole year. I advise you all to take a look at your lives, and find something that you struggle with, and make a goal out of it.

DON'T make it a New Years Resolution, we always break those.

And if you're struggling, always remember you can find at least one supporter,

ME.

Good Luck :)

<3 Chels

Sleeping is overrated.

2011-12-26T02:50:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Chelsea.

She got her hair cut. Then came Christmas.

Santa decided that it was time for her to embrace her inner geek, and gave her the best Christmas ever.

Then Chelsea realized that the end of the year was near...

Chelsea is leaving the past year behind. Broken hearts, Broken promises, scary health situations, everything bad, and if moving forward with the better things in like. Like... her new Job as Supervisor, her ability to live life, and beginning her domination of the game Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 3.

Happy New Year Everyone.

Bad things happen for a reason.

2011-12-14T22:16:00.000-07:00

If only life was perfect.

Nothing bad ever happened.

No one ever had to go through heart break.

Everyone was considered beautiful always.

Sounds like a good life eh?

Wrong.

I like being an imperfect person.

It makes me less judgemental, and more forgiving.

It helps me make new friendships.

It helps me flirt with my guy friends who I've liked, but haven't had the guts to flirt with.

It helps me to be a better boss.

It helps me to be happy.

Accidents happen. Heart breaks happen. People suck.

Bad things happen for a reason. It may be unknowing to us at first, but eventually, we see the good that it brings to our lives.

Just remember that no one is perfect. People make mistakes.

People judge others too quickly based on appearances.

I'm glad I don't do that anymore, or else I wouldn't be hanging out with an amazing person. (He knows who he is.)

Your past doesn't define you unless you let it.

So, when you hear that you should put the past in the past and live life in the present, take the advice.

As hard as it is to take my own advice, this time, I'm going to. And if I'm going to, then you sure as hell should.

Bring on this crazy ride.

One of my hardest posts yet.

2011-12-08T03:02:00.002-07:00

I hate letting go.
HATE.
I feel like a failure.
I feel like a loser.
I just want to succeed at everything I do.
Especially when it comes to guys, relationships, and that stupid "L" word.

You know what the problem is? You get attached, fast.
And once you're attached to someone, you do everything
you can to please them and make them happy. It's never
been about what you want, it's always everyone's needs
before your own. You give out too many chances to people,
who quite frankly, do not deserve them. They take advantage
of you, and you become a pushover. But you're okay with that
because they're in your life and that's all you ever really wanted.
And even if they screw you over, you'll still be there for them.
Because that's you, that's who you are. Once you get attached
to someone, they capture your heart and they always have a
place there. And that is why it's so hard for you to let him go.

To the future guy who decides I'm worth it, I can't promise to make all of your problems go away, but I can promise you that you will never face them alone.

And to the guy who this post is all about?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm insecure,
I'm sorry that I'm jealous,
I'm sorry that I'm stubborn,
I'm sorry that I'm not your perception of gorgeous.
I'm sorry that I'm not perfect.
I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough for you,
and I'm sorry that I never will be.
I'm sorry that I'm not her, But Really?
I'm sorry that you just lost a girl who truely cared about you,
and you didn't even give her a chance.

Sadly, I believed in second chances, but for once, I don't believe in you.
Don't say you loved me, because we both know you didn't. You just didn't want to be alone.
Or maybe, I was good for your ego. Or maybe I made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn't love me, because you don't destroy people you love.

So, I know that you want to blame this on me, and blame me for being dramatic, but you lead me on, and I fell for it. Hard. And in order to move on, like you want, I have to let you go. Completely. Take me unfriending you, and blocking you from texting me as your welcome for all the pain you've put me through. I'm doing us both a favor. And if you want to change it? You know what to do.

Life is hard. Break ups are not easy, especially if it's not a normal breakup. Having guys as your best friend, then being in a relationship, then trying to be friends again just doesn't work.

Take my word for it, if you do it, you'll end up like me. Depressed, alone, confused.

Time to let go.

Sometimes...

2011-11-10T03:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, it's hard to remember that everything is going to work out. That this life doesn't end with a breakup, or by ending a friendship.

Sometimes, I wish I could skip out on the interviews, and just get the job I want.

Sometimes, we have to let go of the best thing that we thought ever happened to us, in order to have better things happen.

Sometimes, you realize that you don't know what your doing with your life, and therefore, can't go to school.

Sometimes, you realize you fall in love with your best friend, but you have to be there for them through all their dramas, without letting on as to how you feel.

Sometimes, I wish I was 5 again. Where life was simple, and the world was beautiful. Where I was always considered adorable, and I didn't have to prove myself to anyone.

Sometimes, I wish I could be me.

When things aren't going as planned....

2011-10-09T23:12:00.000-06:00

So, I've been going through a lot of changes these past few months.

I hate changes.

I fell in love with someone who loves someone else.

I've been stood up.

I started school..

I lost my best friend.

I've had many people betray my trust.

Although some people might claim that I'm "running away" from my issues, I'm not. I just need to take a step back to really think about what I'm going to do next. Wallowing in self pity is not how I'd like to continue on at the moment. I'd like to get back on track to giving amazing advice, and to live my life.

If we did this more often, taking a step back and re-evaluating our situation, I have a feeling the world wouldn't seem as big and bad as it does right now.

So, if you can't afford a big trip, just escape to a quiet place, or a place where you can relax, whether this is your best friends house, your significant others house, a forest, a different city, A different town, the lake, etc... Just escape to it.

As I look back to last fall when I visited my sister in Boston, I realized that I was able to re-evaluate some of the things that were going on in my life, and make some decisions that ended up working out for me.

And so, without further ado... I'm going back again. I love my friends, and co workers, but I need to re-valuate what I'm doing with my life, and how to fix this unhappiness that I find myself currently in.

I leave on Thursday, and I couldn't be more excited.

Here's to taking my own advice. I hope it works.

<3 Chels

One Day...

2011-10-09T04:30:00.000-06:00

Don't Give Up So Soon.
DON'T END YOUR LIFE BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY SAID.
you have so much to live for,
and they have so little points to make.

STAND UP AND SILENCE THEM,
stop at nothing to prove them wrong.

You'll regret ever losing me.

Ahem.

I wish I could play like this.

I'm going to save up money, and for Christmas, have my piano tuned. Since I have a new laptop, that will actually allow me to record myself singing and playing piano, I shall do it. So, for something to look forward too, I'll start posting music next year. Own songs included. And it's more for a hobby, nothing else.

I don't think I really like the idea of being famous for now. I already have a lot of drama, thanks.

So.....

2011-10-01T00:20:00.000-06:00

I want:

But I need:

And then I need....

.... What's wrong with me?

Don't have a conniption fit.

2011-09-09T02:12:00.002-06:00

Hello Blogging world. Where have I been?

Moving.

Started school.

More hours at work.

Sounds exciting, but here is the best part about me.

If I’m going through something emotionally, you’ll never know unless I mention it.

Haven’t you just had those moments where your whole world is falling apart as you know it, you feel like no one even cares about your existence, and you just feel flat out alone?

I’m currently going through all of the above.

However.

I have amazing friends that refuse to let me believe in the ‘lies’ I tell myself. They try to make me laugh, they remind me of how awesome I am, and how much I mean to them.

In your darkest times, that’s when your real friends seem to come through to the light. Even the unexpected ones.

I kind of feel like bragging about a few of these people, so bare with me

Matt is my buddy that helps me keep my sarcasm in tact. He knows how to get me to laugh, and he's pretty much badass. But he's also a sweetheart... a badass sweetheart ;)

My lovely Seren! She is my other half. I dunno if I could go through this time without her. She keeps me grounded, and she's pretty much amazing. Her boyfriend would most likely agree....

Alandra is my new found French Class buddy turned friend. She's hilarious, and we always have the best of times together. Especially when we're cruising around Provo, and I make ridiculous comments about guys on bikes.....( The beautiful bikes of course.. not your lame ones..)

Katrina my love :) She has always been there for me, even though she lives a kajillion miles away. (So, maybe it's only 120ish....) i've known her since 10th grade, and am sooo glad that I have a buddy like her to count on. How could I not? Our letters, and comics, are the best things to read since slice bread!

And let's not forget about my lovely friend Kynia :) She always knows the right things to say to brighten up my day when I can't seem to do it myself. She is for suuuure, one of the best people I know, has a heart of freakin' goooold.

Are those the only friends you have Chelsea?

Heavens no! However, it would take me toooo long to post everyones picture... That, and I highly doubt half of these people will realized I blogged about them haahaha!

Whether it was through sarcastic comments, or heart to heart talks, these people have truly been helping me a lot, even if they don’t know it. Not sure I’ll tell them either, because what are they supposed to say? “Uhhh, thanks?” Yeah. That, and I creepily stalked their facebooks to get these pictures.. Hence why I haven’t directly said their name hahaha.

Any who, never fear! I shall be back to my normal self soon, with awesome posts and all. Just give me some time.

<3 Chels

Looking for… Happiness?

2011-08-22T03:12:00.001-06:00

You’re probably looking for an inspiring post from me.. Yes?

Well.. Can I interest you in a new blog instead?

No worries, I’m not ditching this one or anything (How could I leave all my devoted readers hanging?) A few friends from High School and I have decided to co-write a blog.

What could it possibly be about?

Does the title of this post mean anything to you?

It’s about achieving happiness, or just what happiness is in general to us. Sometimes we get too caught up in life, that we forget about the little things that make us happy. That really brighten our days and nights. This blog is to help remind you that there is always happiness lurking around those dark corners we often find ourselves in.

And if that blog doesn’t help, then feel free to scroll through my posts to help you. We all know you enjoy what I write anyways. As random as I may happen to be, I’m glad that I can at least help someone out there, even if it isn’t in the way I intended.

Annnnywho. Here is the link. Enjoy! I will write a new post in the upcoming week. Prepare to be helped :)

The link to find happiness just click meeeee

Commitments……

2011-07-29T00:06:00.002-06:00

What an interesting topic to come to after a long hiatus from my blog eh? To be honest, I always think about what to share on my blog before I post it. Not because I’m afraid to post anything, my life is an open book to those who seek it, but because I always want to post something that I’m experiencing, but can also help someone else. A complete stranger, a family friend, whoever you are, know that I write my blog with you in mind.

But commitments? What a strange topic for a 19 year old, yes? No. It’s anything but.

I had 2 fine men come to my house today to teach a lesson. It was about commitments. When I first heard that word, I couldn’t help but think, “Are you kidding? I have nothing to commit to, I have other things to think about” but as the lesson continued, I began to really think about what commitments I have at the moment.

Now, hold up. When I say the word Commitment, the first thing you probably think of is….

Marriage/Relationships, right?

Well, if you know me, then you know that I am indeed different. I’m a leader, not a follower. I do things in my own way. I don’t follow the status quo.

When I really started to listen and think about the commitments that I’ve made/ am making, I immediately thought of….

School. Yep. How absurd of me, a 19 year old woman, to think about achieving a higher education instead of getting married/ starting a family. Not true… Just because I’m not thinking about it, doesn’t mean I don’t want it.

However, what does this have to do with anything?

Think to yourself about something you have committed too. Work, school, a relationship, what have you. You probably weren’t sure of if you wanted it in the first place, right? You doubted yourself, or you didn’t want to put in the effort, correct?

But then you finally decided to just go for it. You threw caution into the wind and went after what you wanted. Now look at yourself. You’re in a nice relationship with a good guy/girl? Excellent. You’re finally manager at your job? Bravo. You finally found the occupation you want to be thanks to school? Do you see where I’m going?

Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith in order to grasp what we want. We have to commit ourselves before we know if it’s going to turn out. This is life. Throughout the next couple of years, we all have to make decisions. You want to get married? The first step is putting yourself out there. Sure, you’ll get turned down, but you have to make a lot of wrongs before you can get to the right. You want that promotion at work? Start taking the initiative and show your boss what you’re made of. Stay late to work on a project, be to work on time, force yourself to go to sleep at a decent time instead of staying up until 3 am reading blog posts from friends (you know who you are..). Will it take a while to notice? Sure, but eventually, your hard work will pay off. You want to figure out what to do with your life? Go to school. Get that education. The worst thing you can do is flunk out, and that can only be achieved if you don’t do anything.

Don’t have any commitments? Make some right now. I’m not even kidding. Grab a piece of paper, and write down a few things that you Want to do.

I made a few commitments today that I plan on succeeding in, and I have already completed a few that I didn’t realize I had made. I can tell you right now though, that I couldn’t have achieved what I already have by saying “Next week I’ll….” and “Maybe tomorrow..”

I’m going to school in 4 weeks. I am completely scared out of my mind, but I know that I can do it, because I already made the commitment to go. I’m all signed up and ready to go. Yes, marriage isn’t a priority to me right now, but I have already committed myself to doing so by going on dates, and working on myself to be a good companion. You don’t really realize the commitments you’ve made, until you start to realize what you want, and how you want to get there.

The only advice I can offer you is that, the time to commit is now.

<3 Chels

Last time I checked, giving up was not spelled with LOVE.

2011-06-22T02:17:00.002-06:00

Really, I should not be the person to talk about love. My love life? Non-existent... Mostly because I make it that way... However, It’s time for us to have a chat.

First thing to discuss? We ALL have baggage. It’s not something we really talk about, but it’s something we need to comprehend and fast.

Have you ever thought that the reason a boy is so afraid to be in a relationship is because someone caused him to lose faith in one?

Whether it be, a fiancée’ who cheated on him with his best friend..

Or an Ex-Wife who only showed him that marriage was all about fighting.

Or even, an ex who used him for money/a ride/a new wardrobe/etc...

All these things are valid reasons as to why a guy is afraid to be in a relationship with you. It’s his baggage he carries, but never shows.

Why?

Because we have a stereotype on love.

Think about it... In movies and music, the guy is always portrayed as bad, and the girl either dumps him, or is ‘rescued’ by someone else.

Pffffffffffffft. Welcome to real life friends, that is not how love is played.

Girls are players too. Half of the time, I’m embarrassed to be a girl because of the things other girls do.. (Like cheating, I mean, who the heck does that?!)

Because of this though, we also have to deal with being compared to the ex. It may take some time to prove that you’re not going to hurt him like she did, but you still have to prove it. Just as much as you want a guy to prove that he deserves to be with you, you have to do the same.

Second.. Love takes time.

There is no expiration date. I would like to think that there is an age difference.. (Seriously, more than 15 years apart, you have a problem...) But sometimes, we find the right people at the wrong time, and it takes a while to realize it. We could be in different relationships, or could just be afraid to be in love. Either way, eventually, love will come around.

Everyone has a partner, and a purpose.

Love is all about patience.

Just my thoughts on the matter, carry on.

<3 Chels

I Believe…..

2011-06-15T02:12:00.003-06:00

Everything happens for a reason.

In God.

Everyone in my life, past and present, have been put into my life for a reason/lesson.

In friends that help you when you’re going through a tough time.

That Taylor Swift writes songs about my life.

In being there for people, at all times.

In miracles.

People can change for the right reasons.

In love.

That there is someone out there for everyone.

In music.

That relationships should always be a two way street. (Meaning you have communication, and are on the same page with one another.)

That we fight with the people we love the most.

In Canada :)

That I have a gift with music via vocal and piano.

That I am more afraid to sing for just one person then a crowd of 2,000 because if I’m singing for just one person, their opinion matters to me.

That sarcasm should be apart of everyones vocabulary.

In everlasting friendship. You don’t have to talk every day in order to be best friends. It’s the bond you have that counts.

In having fun. Even at work.

That if you go in to something with a bad attitude, then you’ll leave with that same attitude and pass it on to others.

That people should only have children if they plan on taking care of them.

In adoption, NOT abortion.

In magic.

In adventure.

That you shouldn’t play with peoples feelings.

In rollercoasters.

That falling in love can happen at any age.

In guys who can make fun of themselves.

In chivalry.

In purple.

That I’ll see my deceased loved ones again someday.

That being alone doesn’t mean you’re not good enough for someone, it means that you’re not settling for less.

That every guy can be a good guy.

In second chances. NOT a million chances.

In expanding my education.

In having an opinion, and voicing it.

In independence.

In dating.

In accepting everyone.

In family.

That everyone should have something they believe in, and once they do, they should stand for it, even if they’re standing alone.

In being me. Not ever changing for someone just to ‘like’ me. Being honest to myself is the best thing I can do for myself. Why pretend to be someone different?

It’s a great day to be Alive.

2011-06-05T01:22:00.002-06:00

This post is based on a true story… And talks in 3rd person.

It’s very easy to get frustrated with the lives we currently have. Whether it be, we’re going through a breakup, having problems at work, have trouble with school, etc… Sometimes we fall into the “I wish my life was different!” Mind frame, correct?

Although it’s very easy for me to get frustrated, I’m happy that I get to go through the experiences I go through, because at one point in time, it was unsure if I would be able to.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Chelsea. (That’s me, in black, in the front row…) She was just chillin’, going through high school like usual as an 11th grader. A choir kid, who thoroughly enjoyed singing, and loved her friends. Everything was alright in Chelsea’s life. Sure, she wasn’t exactly the prettiest thing on the block, but she was confident, and intelligent, and awesome. One day, she started to get headaches. It wasn’t really a big deal… Until she also was very tired. Then she started getting sick more often. What the heck was going on? She passed it off as just a long lasting flu of sorts, and continued on with her life.

Then her headaches became sooo bad, that she couldn’t get out of bed, and couldn’t go to school. She loved school. This tipped her parents off that something wasn’t right, so they took her to the doctor. Chelsea’s doctor was awesome. She had always figured out what was going on with Chelsea before, so Chelsea totally trusted her. They took some blood and wrote a prescription for an antibiotic for the flu, because those are the symptoms she had, and sent her on her way. Sadly, she was back 2 weeks later, same symptoms, same tired Chelsea. Her doctor was curious. Right before this meeting, she prayed to know how to fix Chelsea.

While taking Chelsea’s blood again, she had a feeling to check her Prolactin levels, a level you usually only check in adults. It’s supposed to be between 5 and 15. When the tests returned, Chelsea’s level was at 107.3. That was a sign that somewhere in Chelsea’s brain, was a tumor. So, to make sure, she scheduled Chelsea an MRI the next day. Chelsea was clueless as to what was going on, and thought it was totally normal to have an MRI on her head. No biggie.

This was in March of 2009. Right before Chelsea turned 17.

The doctor called Chelsea’s parents when the results came back. She had a tumor in her pituitary gland, and it looked like it was pressing against her optic nerve, so she sent Chelsea to an Optometrist to do a cool, but long eye test. Once again, Chelsea thought this was legit and normal.

She was also going to New York with her Fashion Teacher for spring break. Now we’re in April of 2009. Because of this, her parents thought it best to not tell Chelsea of the tumor, because they knew she would freak out about it, and not enjoy her trip. So, they secretly told her teacher to keep an eye on her, and if at any time her eye sight went screwy, or if she passed out or something, to call them so they could fly Chelsea home. Nothing happened, Chelsea enjoyed her trip, all was fine and dandy to a clueless Chelsea.

Couple weeks go by, and Chelsea started to work on final projects for her classes. It was only two weeks before school got out, and Chelsea was going to see a Neurologist. Once again, Chelsea thought this was normal. Chelsea and her parents went to the Neurologist, and he started talking about the Pituitary Gland, showed her where it was located, showed her a picture of a normal sized Pituitary Gland, how it’s the size of a pea, yet it controls your whole body and such, blah, blah, blah.

(Now you know what I’m talkin’ about!)

Finally, he showed Chelsea a picture of her brain. Chelsea noticed that her Pituitary Gland was not the size of a pea, but of a nickel. “Chelsea, you notice how yours is bigger than normal? That’s because you have a tumor inside yours.” Woah, brain doctor say what?

After a moment of letting this new information set in, he began to point out how close her Pituitary Gland was to her optic nerve, and then said that if her gland presses against the nerve, it will cause her to go blind. So, when would she like to have surgery? What?!

Chelsea’s dad then said that she was still in school until the end of May, and so the doctor scheduled surgery for the 3rd of June. Chelsea didn’t really know what to think. She was scared, but also wanted to be strong. So, she named her tumor Frederick.

The end of school came, and it was surgery day. Surgery day had been changed to June 5th, due to scheduling issues, and so, Chelsea had brain surgery.

At that hospital.

Hey! It’s the inside of an operating room!

Chelsea didn’t really remember going into the operating room. She had stayed up the entire night before, worrying about the surgery. So, before she even left the room before surgery, she fell asleep. No countdown from 100 for her :(

She was in the hospital for 6 days. She wanted to go home on the second day, but apparently having brain surgery is a big deal. (Don’t ever joke about “What day it is” or “What is your name?” Because the nurses do not think it’s funny…)

The day after she got out of the hospital, she went to a Kelly Clarkson Concert. Sadly, she couldn’t smile :(

That surgery changed her life.

She graduated high school.

Had epic adventures with her best friend.

Went to Greece.

And now, this is what she looks like today. 2 years later, she’s still alive, and able to see and do things like normal kids do.

Okay, okay, so, maybe this story is about me. Today, I reflect on the past two years. I’m so glad they found the tumor. If they hadn’t, I would have probably lost my vision, or worse. I would have never started my job at Wal-Mart. I wouldn’t have the chance to see my cousins in Canada. I would have never seen/met my nephews. Today, I feel happy that I’m alive, happy, and healthy.

So, if your having a hard time right now, and are pretty pissed off at life, just think about how lucky you are to be alive. That you’re able to see everything around you. That you can hear music, and laughter. That you have two arms, two legs, two hands, two feet. Sometimes, it’s hard to remember how blessed we truly are.

I’m so happy that I have had the chance to meet as many people as I have. I’m glad I’ve gone through the heartbreak that I’ve gone through. I’m happy to be me, and the life I have, and nothing will ever change that. I will always have this experience with me.

It’s a great day to be alive. Never forget that.

<3 Chels

You have to fight your bad days to deserve your best days :)

2011-05-26T00:29:00.001-06:00

Sometimes, life is ridiculous, and I feel like this:

And this...

And my personal favourite...

However, do I give up? Nah. I know that life always goes on. Sure, someone may be giving me a hard time at work, or someone is being a jerk, or things just aren’t going how I planned. Sometimes, I’m even the problem. During these moments, I become super stressed. I hate it when things aren’t going right. Of course, it’s going to happen, because life isn’t perfect, but I still stress over it. That’s why I’ve found that during these moments of annoyance and stress, it’s good to get away from it all. To do something that helps get your mind off the situation, or helps you to think clearly on what’s at hand.

I’ve taken up a new hobby. Running. No, I’m not going to be the next marathon runner, or whatever, but I have found that it is an excellent way for me to relax and relieve stress. I only go at night, because running under the stars, and in the dark, is relaxing. I’m able to think clearly about my situation, without any interruption, and I’m also being healthy all at the same time.

I’ve been going through a lot of changes the past few months, making better decisions on my behalf, and I’m happy to report that I’m finally okay. Life still isn’t perfect. I’m still dealing with crap all the time, but I have found an outlet that actually works. That actually helps me feel better.

I’ve also realized that I have to fight through my bad days in order to get to the good ones that I know will come. Even at your deepest, darkest moment, know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And no, it’s not the light everyone talks about before you die. Good will always prevail over bad. Look at your past, and look at where you are. How could you get here if you had been stuck in the past eh? You couldn’t have.

So, I now feel like...

And...

And my other favourite...

No matter what happens, you were given this life for a reason. This includes all the good times, and the bad times you receive. Never give up.

Also, you know what else is a good feeling? Running into someone from high school, and having them not recognize you because you look so damn good. Since I’ve graduated, I’ve lost 40 pounds, and counting, and I’m loving every minute of it :)

<3 Chels

My Mother.

2011-05-07T00:54:00.002-06:00

Since Sunday is Mothers’ Day, I wanted to take this time to dedicate a post to my mom, because without her, I seriously wouldn’t be alive right now.

My mom isn't just a mom at all,
She's also something else.
My mom isn't so quiet or shy,
But she's proud and doesn't care what others say about her.

My mom is like a friend who I will never forget,
My mom is always there.
Whether I'm sad, happy, lonely, or angry,
She's there to listen, and there to care.

My mom always gives me advice to overcome any problems,
She supports me in any way she can.
My mom is like a genius to me,
And such a respectable woman.

My mom knows what I think, what I will say, she knows everything about me.
My mom knows what to do to make me calm down,
My mom knows how to make me automatically happy.

My mom knows what and how I feel,
My mom knows what I need.
My mom is like an angel God sent from Heaven,
My mom is loud, weird, and crazy,
But she understands me the most.

We show our love in many ways, we fight, we laugh, we cry. We also go on cool trips together, our last one was to Greece.

My mom always helps me to fix my mistakes,
My mom always supports me of my dreams.

My mom always loves me no matter what,
My mom loves me the way I am.
My mom is someone I can always count on, especially when I am in need of a friend.
I love you mom :)

I’m thinking of a word that starts with “G” and ends with “oodbye.”

2011-05-05T01:03:00.001-06:00

One of my friends requested me to write a post on Goodbyes. This is my attempt at trying to help her through whatever she is going through. I should have asked what kind of goodbye… But alas, I was not smart enough to ask, so here is what I’ve got.

I understand goodbyes are hard, but you have to remember that saying goodbye is just another part of life. It’s a hard part, but we all have to do it. There will always be hello’s in the future, and that’s where you should keep your focus on. Saying goodbye may hurt, but what hurts more is to see someone leave without hearing that last goodbye. We may not want to hear that word, but when someone leaves, you want to be able to have the chance to say it.

Besides, let’s face it. No matter who we say goodbye to, it isn’t the end. If it’s a friend leaving for a trip, they will return. If it’s a break up, you will eventually run into each other later and life, and you’ll both realize that goodbye was the best thing to happen to both of you. If it’s someone who then passes on, I would like to believe that eventually, you’ll meet up with that person. No matter what you do, goodbye isn’t permanent.

Actually, if I can be honest (which I can since this is my blog and all…), there’s something magical about saying goodbye. It’s as if in that one moment, you suddenly appreciate every single thing about the person you’re saying goodbye to all at once.

Never thought of it that way have you? That’s because when we think of telling someone goodbye, it’s usually to someone we love or care about, and we don’t want to say goodbye. That doesn’t mean that we’ve stopped loving or caring for them. Sometimes, goodbye is a painful way to say I love you, and there’s no other way around it.

Sometimes the easiest thing to say is goodbye, and sometimes it’s the only way.

The one thing I hate the most though is indeed saying goodbye. It’s never been easy for me. I mean, how do you approach the concept of goodbye? Goodbyes are all different. Some are for a day, some are for months, and others are forever ( in this lifetime). The concept of forever is hard to accept as well. I mean, it’s like “Hey! I’m never going to see you again, goodbye.” Doesn’t that feel just… Incomplete? That’s what most goodbyes are. They’re incomplete, and you honestly don’t know how long the goodbye will last… However, it’s all a part of life. More than likely, it’s the part we hate most in life, but what can you do?

Saying goodbye is usually the hardest thing to do. Sometimes, you still love that person, but they hurt you too bad. Sometimes, you have to hurt them with those words. Sometimes you know you’ll regret it. Saying goodbye can be confusing, sad, happy, freeing, and always emotional. Whether you’re saying goodbye to a friend, or a boyfriend/girlfriend, it’s always hard. It’s scary because it changed you. It’s terrifying because that person may never be in you'r life again even though you ‘need’ them. Sometimes you love someone and you know they love you back, but you can’t just do it anymore, and the though of them hating you just about kills you. Then you have to say goodbye to them, and they don’t understand because they’re angry, but what they don’t realize is your heart is breaking too. It’s too painful to live with regret, and it’s painful to miss someone you say goodbye too because they’re not there. Or, they are, but it’s not the same. Walking out the door and not turning back is one of the most difficult things to do in life. It’s hard not to want to run back and tell them you love them and you’re sorry. It’s hard not to just keep holding on because you’re afraid and don’t want to hurt them. But listen, tons of people are going to walk in and out of your life, and you’re going to say goodbye many, many times. Even if it’s just for a short time, it still hurts.

But sometimes, it’s for the best. No. It’s always for the best. It won’t seem like it in that moment, but it is. I know it’s scary to turn your back and just walk away. I know it’s terrifying to have to live your life without someone who has been there for so long. I know it’s heartbreaking to have the person you love to be with hurt, but that’s what you have to learn. You have to learn that everybody is standing alone at one point in their life. Everyone has said goodbye too. It’s hard, scary, and hurtful, but in a matter of time you’ll look back and realize it was for the best. You’ll think of all those good memories instead of the moments when you were crying. It’s confusing when you know it’s time to say goodbye. It’s hard when you know you need to let go, but then you learn that you need to be strong. Things will fall into place, they always do. Always.

No matter where you go in life, you will eventually have to say goodbye to someone or something. Don’t let it eat away at your thoughts or soul. Everyone happens for a reason, especially when it comes to goodbyes. If it has to do with a person, it’s because sometimes, two people need to be apart in order to realize that they need to be together.

Woah, I wrote a lot more than I thought I would. I think I have confused you guys enough with my thoughts on goodbyes. Hopefully, this has helped you come to terms with things, or even why you have to say goodbye in general. Remember that you’re awesome, and goodbyes don’t last forever. You’ll meet up again someday, and you’ll realize exactly why you said goodbye in the first place.

Cheers,

<3 Chels

Karma

2011-04-28T00:41:00.003-06:00

I couldn’t help but notice that Karma has made quite the impression on me these past months.

Not that I’ve done anything to receive Karma in a negative way, she has been kind to me.

However, it doesn’t mean that she hasn’t taught me anything.

I believe everyone should treat others how they want to be treated. If you’re going to act like a jerk, someone will eventually be a jerk to you. If you’re going to treat others kindly, the same will be given to you. See how this works? It’s hilarious that people haven’t caught on yet.

I also know that I can’t expect Karma to make an appearance when I want her too. No. It has to happen in it’s own time. That is the hardest part about Karma, patience.

Ah yes. Patience. That word is not in my vocabulary. I have the hardest time being patient with anything. I may look like I’m okay waiting for you to come out of dressing room after watching you try on clothes for 3 hours, but I’m dying on the inside. Just like Karma, I may look like I’m okay with whoever did me wrong getting whatever they want, but inside, I’m screaming and throwing a fit.

I hate waiting for Karma to catch up to the people who deserve it. I’m not talking about a little thing someone did, like cheating on your test or something. I’m talking about a guy who cheated on you with an ex, or a guy who is on a power trip and tries to control you. Those are instances where I’m like I am while watching a hockey game on T.V. I’m screaming and shouting at Karma to “Hurry up and give them what he deserves!!”

(Need an example?)

(Yes, precisely like that.)

Life isn’t fair, and it may seem like Karma will never catch up to the person who did you wrong, but don’t fret. She catches up to everyone, especially you.

So make sure that when she catches up to you, she’ll grace you with her good side, and not her bad side.

That’s all :)

<3 Chels

This little light of mine…

2011-04-22T01:54:00.001-06:00

Interesting. Last time I posted anything was a week ago. I have excuses, but all that matters is that I’m posting right now. So, we’re not going to get into it.

See that tree? That’s me. See that light around it? That’s my influence on people. As you can tell, it’s spreading.

Sometimes I forget that people look up to me. In those moments, I feel as though I give them a bad example of how to handle situations. For example, my last post. It wasn’t very motivating, and it was kind of a let down. It was me letting someone get the best of me, and that’s no way to act. You should never, ever, allow a person to change who you are because of their actions. Whatever they did may have hurt you, but don’t let it destroy you. I’m much better now :)

This past week at work, I have slowly returned to acting how I usually do. It started off rough, with me being a little bit too sarcastic, but then it settled down into the “I’m sarcastic and loud but am really adorable and nice” routine.

I’m now known as a big flirt, which, I’m not, but whatever helps people sleep at night. I’m just really nice, and….. Flirty. Dang. I don’t do it on purpose, it just happens. Anyways, it’s not necessarily a bad thing, I just think it’s funny.

I’m a tutor. I’m tutoring a co-workers son in Algebra. Let’s just say, I’m thrilled, because he actually listens and pays attention, and because it helps me to feel like I’m in school again (because I make him tests and notes and such). Ah, school.

I’m officially signed up for classes :) I currently have 15 credits, but if I get into the financial class I want to take, It will turn into 18 credits. Have. No. Fear. It may sound like a lot, but I wish I could take more. I love school, and have missed it for so long. I currently have one class Monday and Wednesdays, and 4 classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, with no classes on Fridays or Saturdays. It works perfect with my work schedule, and I’m ecstatic.

Sometimes, when life gets hard, and we feel like we are not good enough, just remember that things DO get better. Everything happens for a reason, you can’t deny it. We may never know what that reason is, but just know that it had a purpose to influence your life for the better.

Keep staying strong :)

<3 Chels

Silence is a girls loudest cry….

2011-04-14T02:15:00.001-06:00

It’s pretty dangerous when I get quiet. I’m either..

1. Over thinking

2. Tired of waiting

3. About to blow up

4. In need of a hug

5. Falling apart

6. Crying inside

7. All of the above

It’s hard to tell when this happens though, because I like to play off that I’m fine, when all I really want to do is cry.

Cry over someone who isn’t worth my time, but because I liked them as a friend, and liked that friendship, I have a hard time letting go. Cry over the fact that I’m letting said person get to me so hard. This isn’t like me at all, well, at least I don’t come off that way. Don’t get me wrong, I am usually a strong person. I don’t usually let anyone get to me, but I’ve discovered that even the strongest people have to break down sometimes.

I’ve never really been able to get that strong exterior back. I’ve always managed to have a crack somewhere, and when just the right person comes and taps on it, it shatters.

People keep asking me if I’m okay. Hah. If I wasn’t okay, do you really think that I would tell you? I mean, if I’m being completely honest here, I am not the type of person who seeks help. Only because I don’t want to be a burden to someone else. There’s a lot going on with me right now, and I keep trying to push it out of my mind, not let it affect me, not think about it. I like to be there for people, not myself. I like listening to problems and figuring out a solution to said problem, unless it’s my own. No, don’t even try to get it out of me, because I won’t tell you. I’ll just play it off that I’m fine and you’re over exaggerating, and that the best thing for you to do is drop it.

Let’s just say, I’m very excited that I won’t be at work for the next two days.

Going to go have a much needed break for a bit. I’ll post something more happy and thoughtful on Saturday. I just wanted to write down my current thoughts, because they’re driving me insane.

-Chels

You’re stronger than what you give yourself credit for.

2011-04-12T01:02:00.006-06:00

Right.

I know that a lot of you are struggling with things right now. Whether it be associated with relationships, friendships, school, work, or family situations, life probably isn’t a pocketful of sunshine right now.

I myself have had a rough couple of days. Trying to get my thoughts straight is a… overwhelming task. I don’t even know what I’m thinking sometimes. And, it doesn’t help that I’ve been letting the wrong people get to me. I know, that seems a little impossible right? Eh. Even the strongest of people have to break down sometimes. I consider myself a strong person. I have a hard time letting people in now a days because I was such a strong person, and then someone ruined it for me. But, it’s okay. I’m learning that not everyone is out to ruin your life. As dramatic as that sounds, it’s how I’ve been feeling the past few months. That, when someone new appears in my life, they won’t stay for long, yet I associate myself with them, and then get hurt in the end. My own doing, however, not my own fault.

It’s not a bad thing to care a lot, depending on who you talk to. You’re talking to me though, and I say that caring isn’t a bad thing. It shows that you have a heart, that you are willing to put someone elses happiness in front of your own. Although, don’t do that all the time, because if you haven’t learned from me yet, if you only care about everyone else and not yourself, you’ll overwhelm yourself to the point of sickness and exhaustion, and border the sanity line.

Right now it feels like the end of the world. All your battles are lost, you’ve been cheated and mistreated. Just when you think you can’t hold on any longer, keep holding on. Trust me, you’ll see how much stronger you can be.

And seriously, you’re stronger than what you give yourself credit for. So dry your eyes, clear your mind. You have to take it one day at a time. Dust off your heart, take it off the shelf, because before you can move on, you have to remember to love yourself.

I’m going to be honest. (Although I already am..) If I could redo my life, I’d make the same mistakes again. I’d trust the wrong people, fall in love with the wrong guys, and I’d love all the same people, even if they ended up hurting me. Why would I do that to myself? Because all those mistakes have made my life as amazing as it is today. If my life had been perfect, I wouldn’t know heartbreak. I wouldn’t know how I’m supposed to treat people. Without all the bad things that happened, I wouldn’t be able to make good decisions.

However, that does not mean that you’re going to get away with it when you hurt me intentionally. Trust me, someone is about to find out that you can only ignore me for so long before I do it right back. And when I ignore people, it’s as if a big part of your life is missing. Yes, I’m being conceited. Immature? Sure. Does this person deserve it? You have no idea. Don’t let anyone walk over you. You are much better than that. I promise.

I have to take my sister and the baby to the airport in…. 5 hours. *Insert one of the biggest sighs ever.* I can hear my heart shattering right now. It may start out to be a crappy day, but it will only stay that way if I let it (Which I won’t!).

Night :)

<3 Chels

You’re only as small as the world will make you seem.

2011-04-07T21:36:00.001-06:00

So…

I love how, when I’m having a hard time, something happens and changes that. Whether it’s communicating with an old friend, teaching someone Algebra, or….

Surprising my best friend with….

Taylor Swift tickets for her birthday, before they go on sale to the public.

That’s right. On September 28th, of this year, at 7:00pm at the Energy Solutions Arena, You will find me, rockin’ out with my best friend, to our girl, T-Swift.

To say that I’m excited, is an understatement.

Any who, blog post title, yes? “You’re only as small as the world will make you seem.”

What does that mean?

That if the world is telling you to give up, and you give up, than you’re doing exactly what the world expected you to do. Fail. Who wants to fail?

NOT ME!

Let’s just… Have a Come to Jesus moment.

I hate to lose. Whether it’s a board game, losing a person, or losing a friendship, I hate all of those things. When it comes to losing games, I can get over it quickly, but people?

That’s really hard to do.

“If one day you realize I haven’t talked to you in a while, it’s not that I don’t care, it’s because you pushed me away, and left me there.”

I never leave people willingly. Usually, it happens because the other person no longer puts the effort into it.

This is all just a.. For your information type of thing.

That is all.

Even when your hope is gone, move along.

2011-04-04T23:33:00.002-06:00

Words spoken, mind whirls, nothing left, just a girl. Pretty on the outside, also on the in, who'd have guessed, she'd never win? Laughing it off, hiding pain, her heart in battle, this again? Walls are up, smile on face, don't forget, she can't be replaced.

Dear Friends,

I just want to start out by saying that nothing hurts worse than finding out that the only reason someone dated you was to make someone else jealous.

Who does that?

People who are not worth your time, or chances.

Am I hurt? Sure, however, I’ve come to realize that when I find out someone likes me, a little bit of me will like them back, even if I didn’t like them in the first place. This is one of those cases. Therefore, never play a game with a girl who’s played it.

I could be dramatic, go into depression, lose confidence in myself, let him get to me, but no. That’s more than likely what he’s hoping for. You know what? I’m stronger than that. We are ALL stronger than that.

Besides,

It’s his loss.

Any who, this post is to inspire those who have been used. You’re worth so much more than the jerk who tried to use you. Don’t let them get to you. You are beautiful, smart, and deserve so much more. Sure, we’re all a bit naive, but we’re also very intelligent. We go through so much more than a man will go through in his entire life. And I’m not just talking about teenage years. Think about it, after high school, we go to college to pursue our education. While there, not only are we focused on school, we’re also juggling working at a job, and dating boys. We multi-task. We can have different conversations with people, and still know what’s going on in each conversation. We can put smiles on our faces and act like nothing is wrong during the day, and when we’re finally alone at night, we cry. We pick up the pieces to our own heartbreaks. We eventually find someone who’s worth it. Then we go through the process of getting married, and having children. We actually have to give birth to said children, and sometimes, we almost lose our lives in the process of bringing another life into the world. We then nurture and teach those children, and raise them to be incredible people. We do all that, while still maintaining our jobs, and taking care of not only our kids, but our family, and our relationship with our husband/significant other.

We’re incredible, and the guys who don’t see that? There’s a reason why they’re not in the picture anymore. Don’t cry over the boy who broke your heart. He only broke it because he knew he wasn’t going to be the one to complete it.

I know everything I say can only help so much. Only you can forgive yourself and move on. We all make mistakes, however, when someone doesn’t treat you right, they don’t deserve third or fourth chances. Give yourself more credit, because you deserve it.

Don’t shed your tears for someone who hurt you, don’t long for that person if they left, and don’t feel sorry if you failed when you tried your best.

“And even when your hope is gone, move along, move along, just to make it through”

Thank you All American Rejects, I couldn’t have said it better myself.

<3 Chels

19 things you may or may not know about me :)

2011-03-22T03:02:00.001-06:00

I’m kind of early in doing this, but I have been thinking about this for a while, and decided that since I am unable to find sleep, I shall do this now.

I’m doing this because it’s my birthday on the 27th! And I will be 19. Everyone understand? Good. Let’s begin :)

1. You know that saying, ‘That spider is more scared than you are!’ Yeah, No. Spiders are ridiculous. I despise them with all my heart and soul. I am more afraid of spiders, than I am of dying. I hate them.

2. This girl has changed my life. She is my best friend, and I honestly can’t see my life without her in it. Things are not always this way, our fights can get vicious, but we always seem to make things work. She’s shown me what true friendship is all about. We mock each other in public, cry together, make forts together, will tell each other when we make stupid decisions, will defend each other, and most importantly, will be there for each other no matter what happens. I honestly would not be the person I am today without her. She has helped shape me into the person I am today, and I love her for it :)

3. I get attached to people. This is a good and bad trait. I have slowly started to realize that I tend to like guys who need to be taken care of, instead of liking someone who wants to take care of me. What can I say, I’m independent, and I have always, always been the person to try to fix everything. It honestly is a bad habit, but I can’t help it. I want people to be happy, and I want to help them, whether it’s by listening to them cry, giving them advice, babying them, or just by being a friend. That’s why I have started to warn people that when they befriend me, I’m a keeper, because I never go away. Well, unless you really hurt me, then I’ll walk away and let you pick up the pieces yourself.

4. I can get complete strangers to open up about their lives to me. You may have noticed this. We start talking, and all of the sudden.. BAM! You start telling me things that you don’t normally tell people. Am I magical? Have I tricked you? Nah, it’s a gift. Well, I’ve been told that it’s a gift, and that I should become a therapist or a counselor.. But no. What do I want to use this gift for? To teach English. Don’t laugh. I’m the type of person that can baby you, but then show you tough love. I feel like some of my best teachers have been the ones that care about me, but also don’t let me slack off. They hold me to the highest of standards, because they know I can do great work. I want to be that kind of teacher. I tend to think that I already am that type of teacher, I just need the degree to prove it.

5. My favourite colour is purple.

6. My favourite movie of all time is The Wizard of Oz.

How could you not love this movie? I don’t know. It has impacted me in more ways than you could even begin to imagine. I’m kind of like Dorothy. I find myself surrounded by guys who need courage, have no heart, or lack a brain.

7. I do have emotions. I can cry. Words can hurt me. I just try to brush it off, because I don’t want people to see me as being weak. So, instead of showing my emotions, I try to help others to forget about my own problems.

8. I love going on walks/runs at night, especially when there isn’t a cloud in the sky, because the moon and the stars are glorious. I also enjoy how calm it is. If I’m struggling with something, or if I need to get away, I just go on a walk. It’s peaceful, and beautiful. You can’t beat that.

9. Thunderstorms are my favourite. Some people get scared, but me? I go outside and play in the rain! Or! I make a tent in my clubhouse, and sit there and watch the rain, thunder, and lightening. It is seriously something to behold.

10. Sarcasm is my second language. It is also a way for me to offend you without you picking up on it. Subtle huh? The best part is that you’ll never know when I’m doing the second, because I don’t make it obvious.

11. I love kids. No, this isn’t a joke either. I really do love children, and I have a way with them. However, I don’t plan on having kids until I can provide a good life for them. Watching parents struggling to buy food, let alone diapers and clothes for their kids, breaks my heart. I know that I’m supposed to be a mom someday, I know that I will be a fantastic mom someday, but I honestly have no idea when that will be.

12.

Before you freak out. I adore Taylor Swift. Her lyrics are seriously what I wish I could sing all day long. If I had a soundtrack, her songs would be it. Through every situation I find myself in, I am able to find comfort in her music, and if you don’t like her, that’s fine. Just know, you’re missing out on some of the best lyrics out there.

13. I am not afraid to speak my mind, and it does get me into trouble, but that’s just who I am.

14. I’m secretly a great cook. It’s true. I make cookies once a week, and take them to work, and within.. 10 minutes, their gone. I like taking in different creations just to see if anyone likes them. They usually do.

15. I sing, and I play piano. Usually, at some point in our friendship, I will sing for you. Whether it’s in the car, at a dance, or just me trying to impress you. I am actually quite proud of my voice, playing the piano on the other hand.. I still get nervous every time I have an audience, only because I am my worst critic.

16. I have had two surgeries. One is a scar you will never see, and one is in plain sight. This is the obvious one.

That is a picture of my face? Yes. No. I did not have face surgery. I had a brain tumor that had to be taken out two years ago. Yes, it was serious. Yes, I tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal, because in reality, I’m here now, right? Right, therefore, it doesn’t matter.

17. I am scared to go to college.

18. I am still waiting for the one guy to prove to me that he’s worth my time.

19. Last one. I am always here. Really. If we get in a fight, and I still try to text you or talk to you on Facebook, it means that I still care about your well being. So, instead of trying to ignore that I exist, do yourself a favor, and talk to me. Not only will it give you someone to confide in, but it also helps strengthen our friendship. Yes, sometimes it’s hard to get a friendship ‘back to normal’. If you’re determined enough though, it will eventually get there.

I’m done typing about me. From now on, experiences are going on here.

And Happy Birthday to me. (In 5 Days.)

<3 Chels

Final Goodbye

2011-03-17T02:40:00.002-06:00

Sometimes, you just need to write down all your feelings about someone you cared about before you’re able to officially let go. This is how I did mine. Trust me, it helps.

We ended in a bitter goodbye, you broke my heart and made me cry. But this is where I get you confused, after all you did, I want to say thank you. I realized not everyone is who they claim to be, people wear masks because deep down they’re ugly. I can’t fix everyone, I can’t always be there, at some point in time, I need someone to care. I learned how to be strong when things fell apart, I ignored all the signs that were there from the start. You taught me to be more careful and wise, and to give chances to more of the guys. I took a chance with you in mind, not seeing through your precious disguise. Tried to be nice, tried to be friends, until I realized it was all pretend. I’ve finally let go, and forgiven myself, even the smartest of girls would have needed help. You fooled me once, and that’s all it takes, one day you’ll admit that you made a mistake. So, thank you for helping me to move on. I don’t think about you when I hear ‘our’ song. Biggest mistake, but no regrets. I’ve deleted all of your ‘lovely’ texts. Don’t try to talk to me when you’re all alone. I’ll be with someone who doesn’t put on a show. No longer thinking about you every night, this is finally my last goodbye.

You thought that was good? Write your own. It really opens your eyes as to how you really felt about that person, and it also gives you closure. Well, I know mine did. I can finally say that I’m much happier than I have been the past few days. Unexpected happenings can do that to you. Plus, a visit from your sister and adorable nephew also helps. Next post will be 19 things about me you may, or may not know, so stay tuned :)

<3 Chels

Mr. Sandman ditched me for Narnia.

2011-03-12T03:04:00.004-07:00

It’s 3:03 (3OH!3) in the morning.

Not only have I read every freaking facebook post to boot, I have also read several blogs, contemplated my life, created a new nuclear weapon, and brought people back to life.

Just kidding.

One thing that makes me tired? My work schedule. I don’t work on my birthday (March 27th people. If you forget, I will never remember your birthday ever, ever, again….), however. My work has decided to cast aside the 2 to 11 shift, and are instead replacing it with a 4pm to 1 am shift. I work said shift the day before, and after my birthday. ASDFGHJK. I’m getting tired just thinking about it. It’s almost like working overnights, except you don’t get paid as much, and you don’t work till 7.. Only till 1.

Of course, if you work in the fitting room, you get the 2pm to 11pm shift.

Me? Psh. They have me working all over the place. Which, I think I’m okay with that. I honestly want OUT of the place where I feel like I am not being useful at all. Sure, I answer the phone, send customers to the correct department, get returns, fold tables, put clothes away, etc.. But I feel like I could be more useful elsewhere. I would rather be a Cashier, or work at the service desk. I can interact with customers more and be more useful at the store.

Even in my tired mood, I find myself very annoyed at the whole entire universe. And no, it is not PMS, unless you’re referring to Pissed at Men Syndrome, than yes, I do have that.

Boys are obnoxious. They either like you because they think it’s fun to screw around with your emotions, or they get pissed at you because you don’t care enough about their emotions. Here’s the deal boys. If we’re not in a relationship, I’m going to date other people besides you. No, this is not me cheating on you, this is me keeping my options opened, because oh hey! I’m freaking SINGLE. Don’t get pissed at me about it unless you plan on changing that. Goodness. You would think that this would be…. Common knowledge. Sure, you could defend boys here, saying, ‘They don’t understand things like that.’ or ‘They aren’t smart enough to realize they have to be upfront with the status of your relationship.’ Here’s the deal kids. Boys are players. They play this game a lot. However, they need to realize that they are not the only players of this game. ‘Never play a game with a girl who can play it better”’ Especially if said girl is me. I’m done dealing with their drama. I’m done dealing with their ‘Woe is Me!’ act. There hasn’t been a boy/man to prove to me that they deserve to be with me, and can live up to MY expectations (Which you can blame movies for how high those are…). Until someone does, I’m going to just keep dating around.

Hold the phone. I’m apologizing? For what?

This person knows who they are. Due to something that was ridiculous to fight about in the first place, this person and I are no longer friends. It’s sad really, because now we see each other and act like strangers. After everything we’ve gone through. So, this is my apology to this person. I’m sorry things are ending this way. I don’t want them to be over, but it seems to me that you want things to be this way. Well, alright then. Some things I take the blame for, but it’s not just me. So, this is my apology, since we haven’t talked in person much, and avoid each other like the plague. It’s a crappy one at best, but it’s the best I can do in our current situation.

Don’t you just love how I jump from topic to topic? This is because I have so many different thoughts in my pretty head, that they are all just coming out at once. This part though, is just for you. Whoever is reading this as I type. You were given this life because you’re strong enough to live it. Only you. Those trials that have come upon you? Yeah, no one can handle those trials better than you. Oh, don’t even ‘pfffft’ or ‘whatever’ me. Every person is dealing with different circumstances in their life. Two people may be given the same trial, but each outcome is different because of the person. Sometimes you’re not given what you want, because something better is planned for you instead. Everything happens for a reason. Even if the reason isn’t clear at first.
So, in conclusion, I need to conquer my insomnia, Guys only act like jerks to make up for their lack of being chivalrous, I’m Sorry, and Life is one bumpy ride. Enjoy every minute of it.

And I hate it when I’m in my yard, drinking my milkshake, then all these boys show up. Talk about Awkward.

Night guys.

<3 Chels

Side note: I do have an exception to my ‘guys’ comment. He knows who he is.

If I’m not your first choice, then I’m not an option, because there’s a difference between giving up, and knowing when you’ve had enough.

2011-03-08T01:03:00.001-07:00

First of all...

That’s me and my hair. It’s super long, and I love it. You can’t really tell, but my hair is officially all one color. It’s brown, with copper in it, and it looks wonderful.

Second of all..

Sometimes, you just need to distance yourself from people. If they care, they’ll notice. If they don’t, you know where they stand.

Third...

You know that feeling when you feel like no one understands you, you feel like just sitting in your room and crying, you feel so confused, you just want to give up, you have no self confidence whatsoever, and you feel like no matter what you do, you can’t do it right? You’re not alone. Not in the slightest.

Some things don’t last forever, but some things do. Like, a good song, or a good book, or even a good memory. A memory that you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there. But don’t worry, you will. Sometimes it’s hard to find yourself, but that’s why we have certain people in our lives, to help us when we least expect it.

You might feel worthless to one person, but you are priceless to another. Don’t ever forget your value. Trust me, I know what that feeling is like, I find myself in that feeling more often than not, but you have to ask yourself. Is he/she worth it? ~~Usually~~ The answer is always no. Do you feel worthless? Like nothings going to get better? Every move you make is painful? Is that how you really feel? Well, I’m here to tell you that it does get better. I’m living proof.

Personally, I’d rather have my life an exciting mess than a perfect, boring one. Not only am I making mistakes, and learning from them, but I’m also meeting people I may have never met, who would have never impacted my life the way they have. I would have never delt with duchebags, which would make it impossible for me to know how my friends feel when they deal with them. I would have never delt with girls who are too full of themselves/put people down for fun, and wouldn’t be able to defend my friends, family, or myself against their selfish ways.

Dealing with crap is never fun, I know, but think about it. Where would you be if your life had been perfect? Start turning you’re cant’s into cans, and your dreams into plans. The only person stopping you is yourself.

The road of life is not straight for a reason.

There is a curve called failure, a loop called confusion, speed bumps called friends, red lights called enemies, and caution lights called family. You will have flat tires called jobs, but if you have a spare called determination and an engine called perseverance, you will make it to the place called success.

And that’s all that I have to say. I hope that through my jumbled thoughts, you found something that helped your day go better.

<3 Chels

If my posts were magical, this one would Avada Kedavra you.

2011-03-04T01:30:00.000-07:00

First of all......

ASDFGHJKLLASDFGHJKL. Peoples' maturity level astounds me. I'm not even kidding you. When I am acting like the bigger person, then you know something is up. (Okay, not really, I can be mature when I want to be, I just don't show it too often...)

I'd go into details, but I honestly am trying to just get over it by myself. That's what people who are trying to be the bigger person do right? Right. I just decided, that is exactly what they do.

Second of all.. (This relates to the first of all..)

"Remember when I asked for your opinion? Neither do I, so shut the heck up." Ah, that sentence alone applies to the current situation that I'm in. I mean, honestly. This is MY life. I need to make MY own mistakes. I know some of you worry about me, but in all honesty, don't try to tell me what to do. I'm so sick and tired of everyone trying to save me from their mistakes. Believe it or not, I'm a very intelligent girl. I may do stupid things sometimes, but I do have a head on my shoulders, and it's not full of hot air.

Third of all..... (Still relating here...)

I am working very hard on not judging people by what others say about them, nor by their past actions. I believe that everyone has the ability to change who they were. We're all learning every day how to better ourselves. Because of this fact, I just want to point out that even when I don't agree with someones' relationship, I don't yell at them about it. Nor do I try to make them feel guilty about it. I tell them how I see it, without being a jerk about it, and then, I let it go. If they get hurt later on, I help them get over it, but I don't criticize them. I wish people treated each other this way. Sometimes we need criticism, but I think each situation varies. Especially when it pertains to me.

Right. Ranting is done. On a happier note, I had my hair colored professionally today. I'm quite impressed with how it turned out. I will post pictures eventually, once I decide how I like to wear it haha. I did discover that my hair is suuuuuuper long, but I don't plan on cutting it anytime soon. Oh! And I'm thrilled to announce that I get to wear a black bridesmaid dress! That, and I received a scholarship to UVU in the fall. Happiness does surface through dark times :)

<3 Chels

In case you didn’t know.

2011-02-28T22:22:00.002-07:00

I'm just your average awesome girl.
I'm not normal.
I tend to over think every situation.
I want someone to fight for me.
I use sarcasm as a second language.
I'm loud.
I can be obnoxious.
(At least I can admit these things.)
I make mistakes.
I'm clumsy.
I laugh often, even at nothing at all.
I fall in love quickly.
I break easily.
I eat chocolate.
I love my curves.
I don't need to rely on a man to take care of me, it would be nice though.
I am independent.
I set my expectations high.
I stay up too late.
I daydream.
I am obsessed with Harry Potter.
I try to make everything fun.
I hate goodbyes.
I will make grammatical mistakes, and correct yours.
I like the word facetiously (It has all the vowels in order).
I am convinced vampires live at the hospital.
I hate hospitals.
I love to go on walks.
I keep secrets as if their secret FBI information.
I get hurt.
I cry at movies.
I love watching it rain, and playing in it.
I would love to be kissed in the rain, even if I get sick after.
I can't stand it when people lie.
I hate when people are full of themselves.
I can be stupid, and I get way too hyper.
I'm very intelligent.
I trust people too easily, and I never learn.
I try to see the good in everyone.
I don't like to judge people.
I try to make new friends, while keeping the ones I already have.
I value every friendship.
I will always forgive my friends.
I hate getting up in the morning.
I make up impossible scenarios in my head that probably will not happen.
I enjoy every moment of it.
I like to try to do things I know I'm not good at.
I laugh at myself, it's quite enjoyable.
I will defend myself and others, both physically and verbally.
I think some things are overly funny.
I annoy everyone at some point, I have already accepted this
I'm always here to listen, and give advice.
I'm no where near perfect, but that's fine with me.
I never claimed to be.

Here comes the…

2011-02-24T14:06:00.003-07:00

Bridesmaid.

Yeah.. Deep breath if you thought otherwise haha.

My eldest brother is getting married :) (That’s the back of his head with his fiancée’)

So, my life consists of weddingness once more.

I’m looking for a dress (Again.... *insert big huge sigh right here*), I’m making the wedding playlist, so I’m constantly listening to “lovey dovey” songs, and I have 3 wedding magazines in my room.

You would think, with my brothers' wedding last month, and now my other brothers' wedding in a month (April 2nd to be precise) that I would be driven crazy with all this wedding talk.

Want to hear a secret? I. Love. Weddings.

Do I want to plan my own????

Not at the moment..

Odd right? I mean, here I am, researching, reading, breathing weddings, and yet, I have no desire to sit down and plan my own. I find myself hilarious.

Yes, I love looking at pictures.

My wedding is going to be awesome.

But at the same time, the thought doesn’t appeal to me to plan it. Especially since no matter how much you plan, depending on who you marry, you’ll change your plans. (The colors you at first picked out, doesn’t match the grooms hair, etc…)

So, if you see me with a bridal magazine, do not freak out. It’s not my wedding. I’m pretty freaking positive I won’t be getting married for a while. But, when I do, you should just know my wedding will be awesome, party of the year, and you won’t want to miss it.

That’s all :)

Sometimes I write the most adorable things. Yeah.

2011-02-22T22:10:00.001-07:00

Princess in the castle,
Watches over her land.
Dreaming of a sweet escape,
With a worthy man.

She doesn't care about riches,
Gold can't buy true love.
Caring, courageous, intellect,
These qualities are a must.

Someone she can talk to,
Who listens and talks back.
Who can soothe her when she needs it,
Yet, joke, and help her relax.

A prince is too uncaring,
A knight is too demanding,
And the peasant down the road,
Isn't really all that manly.

She'll rule over her kingdom,
A little lost, but now knows for sure.
She's done searching for the right man,
He will come looking for her.

Everyone Makes Mistakes.....

2011-02-18T01:12:00.001-07:00

I feel like this concept is one that people are having a hard time coming to terms with.

Let me be the first to say... No one is perfect. Actually, I think I mentioned this before, however, I am too lazy to look through my past posts.

What would lead me to a post about this? When it seems like the most "Duh" thought?

I've had many people talk to me this past week (What can I say, I'm a person that you can open up too), and I feel like people are telling me the same things... The mistakes they made, regrets, etc. And they're guilty about it, as if I'm going to judge them.

Psh.

Can I just say, that if you're looking for someone who has made mistakes, you ARE reading her blog?

I have made more mistakes than I could count on both my hands.

But you know what? Am I dwelling on them? Am I letting them overcome what I want to do?

No.

Why???

Because I have come to terms with the fact that I will make mistakes while I'm on this earth. No one expects me to be perfect, and I'd just like to say now... If you expect someone to be perfect, than you really need to re figure out your life. Don't be pointing fingers unless you can point them at yourself as well.

No one on this earth is perfect. And you know what? Imperfections make us the people we are today. I would honestly not know how to interact with a person who was perfect, because knowing that someone else makes mistakes is a comfort to me. I mean that in the nicest of ways.

I just, I feel like people are being so hard on themselves lately, and I just feel sad. Sometimes it's a good thing, like when you're hard on yourself for a test, but being hard on yourself because you can't make someone happy?

It's not your fault.

Don't ever change yourself for someone else because they don't like who you are. If you're happy with the way you are, than that's all that matters! No one, who was your friend, would make you change yourself.

Do I make myself clear?

Good.

Now, I know you guys are waiting for the news from my MRI.

I can tell you that they are fantastic results. Frederick has not returned, and I am very, very blessed. I prepared myself for the worst, and received the best. This goes to show, that if it can happen to me, you bet your bottom dollar it can happen to you. (I love that show...)

Now, I'm going to go to sleep, because I have a busy weekend ahead of me. No worries, I will have a post full of pictures and thoughts, and everything, by Monday. Until then, feel free to leave your thoughts, or look through my past posts.

And just know, someone out there loves you for who you are, so if you changed, then how could they find you?

<3 Chels

Happy to be alive.

2011-02-15T23:29:00.003-07:00

2 years ago, around this time, I had a MRI scan of my head.

No biggie, right?

That’s what I kept telling myself. I told myself that most 16 year olds have scans of their heads, and that I would be fine.

3 months later, I found out I had a tumor in my pituitary gland (my parents had known a week after I had the MRI, they hid it from me for their own selfish reasons… and because they knew I’d freak out.)

To be honest, I named my tumor Frederick to make the situation seem less… stressful.

(This picture is to help you understand what I’m talking about)

Surgery came and went, and all the mind blowing headaches, gaining weight, feeling sick all the time, and feeling tired all left with Frederick. I was so happy.

Last fall, some symptoms came back.

Tomorrow morning I’m going in for another MRI.

To be honest, I’m not scared. Why?

The surgery was not that big of a deal.. Well, not to me. I went to sleep, woke up, had to stay in the hospital for 8 days, and went home, and then everything was fine. I didn’t have to get my head shaved, or anything scary like that, yet I still had brain surgery.

The hospital, although I thought it was hell myself, was not that bad of a place. I was the youngest patient on my floor, so the nurses actually visited with me and hung out with me. My brother loved it the most because they treated him like a king there. He could ask for anything and they would give it to him. Me on the other hand.. Well.. You try getting woken up every hour on the hour, and asked the same four questions (What’s your name, how old are you, when’s your birthday, do you know where you are?) and having blood work done at 2 am and 2 pm every day, and then let me know if you would have loved that. I certainly didn’t. I loved my nurses though, they made me cool drinks with juice and sprite, and snuck ice cream in.

I didn’t always think like this. Before the surgery, I thought to myself, ‘What did I do that was so wrong that God would punish me this way?’

Truth is, he wasn’t punishing me. Everyone has to go through their own trials to become stronger. This was mine. The surgery made me have a new take in life. I began to have my perspective on life change dramatically, and I’m very glad it happened. No, I would never wish this on anyone else, but I’m glad I was able to experience it.

Now, to experience it again? Hm. It’s unsettling, but always, always a possibility. They told me when I first agreed to have the surgery that the tumor would more than likely grow back, unless I radiated it. Once I radiate it, I won’t be able to have children.

Do you see my dilemma?

I decided to do the surgery, and take the risks that may or may not happen.

As I go in for the MRI tomorrow, I know that whatever happens is going to benefit me in a way that I may not know now, but I will know eventually.

I know this is a more personal post, but I felt like sharing it. Just know that no matter how hard the situation you may be going through is, it’s been placed in your life for a reason. You may not see how it effects your life instantly, but in the end, you’ll look back and realize just how much that experience changed you for the better.

No worries, I’ll keep you updated, and I promise my next post will be full of laughter and happiness, to the max.

<3 Chels

Are you having an off week?

2011-02-11T00:57:00.001-07:00

Are you having a week where things just don’t seem right?

Did you fail a test? Break up with someone? Have family drama? Fight with a friend? Felt lost? Felt alone? All of the above?

No worries, you’re not alone. No, I actually have had a pretty decent week, but I know that I have felt like this myself sometimes. So, I dedicate this post to those who may need it. It may not be now, so feel free to reflect on this post in the future. It will still be here :)

I have compiled a list of 15 things you should remember in times like this.

1. At LEAST 5 people in this world love you so much, they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don’t like you.

5. Every night, someone thinks about you before they fall asleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

8. You are special and unique.

9. Someone that you don’t even know exists, loves you. (In a non creepy stalker kind of way)

10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good will come out of it.

11. When you think the world has turned it’s back on you, think again. You most likely turned your back on the world.

12. When you think you have no chance on getting what you want, you probably won’t get it. However, if you believe in yourself, sooner or later you will receive it.

13. Always remember compliments you receive, and forget about rude remarks.

14. Always tell someone how you feel about them, you will feel much better when they know.

15. If you have a great friend (friends), take the time to let them know just how great they are.

Never give up. Every second is a chance to turn your life around. Sometimes, all it takes is another chance to get things right. And well.. If nothing I have said has helped, then let me say this. Wait it out. If it is meant to happen, it will happen. If it isn’t, something (or someone) better will come along.

I hope you’re having a better day :)

<3 Chels

When things aren’t going right, go left ;)

2011-02-08T01:56:00.001-07:00

Indeed, I am. I am blessed with many great friends who help me remember who I am in the times that I forget. Who help me to remember what I believe in. Who help inspire me, through a text message, or through a blog post that isn’t directed at me at all. I am very, very blessed to have you in my life. What would bring this up? Just experiences that have happened to me the past two weeks. I think I was slowly forgetting myself in the midst of the craziness that is my life, and I came to a point where I felt so alone. Alone in a crowded room full of people who I knew.

Now is the time I am blessed to know that I have a savior who is looking out for me. Who hears my prayers, even the ones I don’t say out loud, but say inside my soul. How cheesy is this? I don’t even care. My blog is about me, my life, and things I experience. Something that I experience every day is my religion. I am often put in a situation where I can choose to defend what I believe in, or not. A situation where I may lose friends who don’t share the same belief as me, and I have to make a hard choice in choosing their friendship, or choosing the gospel. Well, I’d hate to flat out say this, but I’m going to. If I had to choose between a friendship/relationship, and the gospel, I would choose the gospel.

I am a Latter-Day Saint, or a Mormon as others know us to be. I believe that the Book of Mormon is true. I believe that after we die, we go to the spirit world, instead of just staying in the ground or what not. I believe that families are together forever, even past this life. As long as I try my best to do what is right, I know I will be with my family in the Celestial Kingdom some day. Are you reading what I’m saying and are confused? Don’t be. Feel free to ask me questions about my religion, I would be happy to share more about my church with you. Just know, nothing you can do, or say, will change what I believe. I have just experienced this first hand, and I find that although I felt a little weak, I was blessed with help to get me back on my feet, and my testimony is steadfast and immovable.

This is the Toronto, Ontario, Canada temple. I would LOVE to be married here. I know, I live in Utah, and I’m more than likely to marry a Utah boy, but I have always, always loved this temple. Is it because it’s Canadian? Not necessarily, I just find it breath taking. Don’t get me wrong, every temple is breathtaking, this one is just more special to me.

I seem to have jumped topics, but I was suddenly inspired to share all that information with you.

After having a rough couple of weeks, I now find myself in a peaceful state of mind. I know I will be confronted with many more stressful situations, but I know that I don’t have to worry. I have my family and friends to help me get through whatever comes my way.

To change subjects, I remember that I would post something about….

Jokes.com

Brian Regan - Flight Delays

comedians.comedycentral.com

Brian Regan Videos

Brian Regan Jokes

Brian Regan Standing Up

Brian. Regan.

He’s one of my favourite comics, mostly because he is very clean! (And I’m not just talking about hygiene!)

My best friend and I will be going up to Logan to watch him perform on February 19th. In fact, because we both have Friday night and Saturday off, we’re pretty much going to spend the whole weekend together. I’m excited, because 1. We’re staying with my really awesome cousins who I love, and 2. It’s BRIAN REGAN!

We might visit a few friends of ours on campus, depends on if they want to see us or not (ha-ha) but yeah, I’m excited.

Mmmmkay. My post is kind of all over the place, but I hope you found in enjoyable :) If not… Well…. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

<3 Chels

Someone is always watching :)

2011-02-06T01:11:00.001-07:00

Deep breath. Before you freak out, I mean that in the most non creepy way. Someone is always watching. If you believe in God, God is always watching. If you don’t believe in God (But this can also apply) than remember that people are always watching you. Even if you don’t think you are role model material, someone is always watching your actions, and this can influence people in the best ways, or the worst. I’d like to think that I influence people in the best ways. Now, I know I have my moments, just like everyone else does, but I also know that by striving to think consciously about the things that I do and say, I am more than likely to impact someone in a positive way.

What would cause me to say this?

Work.

Ah, work.

Work has been an eye opening experience. Because of where I work at, most people don’t realize I’m there, watching. Due to this, I’m able to watch people at their happiest, and their worst. This post is inspired by what I witness at work, and I feel like I should share my thoughts.

1. Parents need to treat their kids better. Putting down a 8 year old in public isn’t exactly winning you parent of the year. Yes, sometimes children can be brats, but please, please remember that they are only little and bratty for a short amount of time. (Usually) I know that I shouldn’t really be talking, seeing as I don’t have kids of my own, but I do have little brothers, and although they annoy me to the point where I feel like ripping my hair out, I would never, ever, chastise them for grabbing the wrong size of pants. That’s my job, seeing that I’m the adult and all.

2. Teenagers/College students need to learn how to be respectful. Ah yes, I am allowed to call people in this category out, because I am in this category. Seriously, since when was putting bra and underwear on a basketball ‘role model’ behavior? Or, running through the ladies section throwing clothes all over the place? Or even, watching a worker fold a table, and then purposefully un folding 15 shirts just for the heck of it? I mean, really? We’re the ‘Future Generation’ and we act like four year olds? I know, I know, you’re trying to '”Have Fun” but oh my gosh, I’m almost 19 years old, and I know how to have fun without destroying or making a mockery out of things. Jeez.

3. Helping others isn’t going to kill you, nor is being rude to someone going to make them do what you want. Ah, I see this every day. An old woman can’t get a shirt because it’s too high, or someone getting upset at another person because their cart is right next to some shirts they want to look at. Can you say, come on? Even if you’re in a hurry, it will take you two seconds to help that old woman to get the shirt she’d like, and you can politely ask someone to move their cart so you can browse the shirts. It’s called, using words. Oh my gosh, I know this is such a shock, seeing that most of our interaction these days is through texting or social networking sites, but that’s not an excuse.

So, just a word to the wise. Even if you’re having a crappy day, think about how a little child, or a teenager could be watching what your doing, and try to make things more positive for everyone. Also, Never argue with a fool. Someone watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Night guys :)

<3 Chels

In A World So Shallow

2011-02-01T23:57:00.001-07:00

In a world so shallow,

It’s hard to swim at all.

But giving up is easy,

Life’s a puzzle to be solved.

I’m not the kind of girl,

Who you can cast aside.

Without a feeling of regret,

A longing you can’t hide.

Meeting you was coincidental,

It’s letting go that’s hard.

I don’t like to give up on anyone,

But you already played the cards.

Try to replace me,

I’ve left an imprint on your soul.

You’ll never find a girl like me,

The truth just has to be told.

I hate how we have ended,

But I can’t change your mind.

So I’ll walk away without looking back,

And wish that life will treat you kind.

Yes friends. I wrote that. It’s just something that’s been on my mind for a little while, and I finally took it, and did something with it. No, it’s not a very happy poem, but sometimes, life is going to suck, and this is what I do when it does. It’s not supposed to be depressing, so if you take it that way, than I’m sorry.

<3 Chels

Innocence

2011-01-31T23:22:00.001-07:00

Man, I find myself in a blogging mood all of the sudden. I think it’s because I’ve been inspired by one of my favourite boys in my life.

This adorable little guy is my youngest brother T (I’m not putting his full name because I know someone is going to realize how adorable he is and try to take him…). He may look innocent, but he’s really a firecracker. He has ADHD, (ADHD is a disorder characterized by the symptoms of hyperactivity, inattentiveness, impulsivity, or a combination of all three that are more frequent and severe than is typically seen in little kids) and so sometimes he’s a little much, but it’s times like these that I fall in love with the kid.

He’s little, and oh my gosh. He is such a ladies man. He has 4 girlfriends, and loves to try to steal my brothers’ wife from him (That would be Arielle). He has the cutest smile, and he is just so…

Innocent.

Have you heard of the song “Never Grow Up” By Taylor Swift? No? Let me introduce you to them.

“Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up.”

How I frequently think of this song when I look at T. I wish I could have just stayed little, scraped knees were much easier to fix than broken hearts, and yet, I’m glad that I’ve grown up. It’s going to be hard to watch him make silly mistakes that he may or may not regret later in life, but for now he’s innocent. Nothing he does seems to ever be wrong. He is careless, yet that’s okay. No, he doesn’t go running to strangers cars for candy, I’ve taught him better than that (And I’m sure after 5 minutes, the stranger would beg for us to take him back), but he doesn’t have to worry about bills, what he’s going to eat for dinner, or even school. I am jealous that he doesn’t have to worry about those things, and yet, I find myself relieved that he doesn’t have to.

I know, I have the most random posts, but if you only take one thing from this post, then I would like that to be that in a way, we are all still innocent. Our actions may not show it some times, but those moments when we feel alone, or cry, show us in our most innocent state. No matter what, don’t forget who you are, and don’t let anyone try to change you into someone you’re not.

Night all.

<3 Chels

Other things!

2011-01-31T00:37:00.004-07:00

So? How are we doing today? I will take just a few minutes (Or seconds, depending on how fast you read) to let you know how I enjoyed my weekend, and then post something thoughtful hmm?
First, I have a lot of friends that I am very thankful to have in my life. There are some who do small things, like give me a card to help me smile, or friends who come with me to weddings and who go to church dances with me and still dance with me when I look like an idiot.

Second…….

That is a wedding preview. That is what I looked like with my best friend at my brothers wedding. I rather enjoyed myself. Especially when we did…

-Insert evil laugh here- *coughs* Right. What can I say? I was really excited for them to be married.. And my best friend helped me destroy their car. (Kidding). Lesson to be learned here? Don’t let me decorate your car when you get married *grins* Although, my best friend will not have that option. I already plan to do many things to her…

This is Katrina Marie! I visited her on Friday (Along with her many fantastic friends and roommates). We crashed a dance, invaded Wal-Mart, Shouted quotes from the “Can I have your number?” Skit at random guys, graced a gas station with our very presence, had Ice Cream that was BETTER than Cold Stones, and just had a good time. I have decided if I ever need to get away from Orem, I will go visit her :)

Sometimes, I have so much fun writing my blog, that I forget what time it is. So, I will end for the night with a particular thought that I’ve had all day.

Make this year count. No matter what happens. Live your life to the fullest. Do what makes you happy. Speak the truth. Be yourself, and dance in the rain. Embrace the little moments. Love yourself, love others, and enjoy the crazy ride we call life.

That is all :) Night guys!

<3 Chels

No regrets, Just lessons learned.

2011-01-27T01:22:00.002-07:00

I’m just going to let it be, take it as it comes, and watch it as it leaves.
You know, I have my moments where I wish I never had to learn a certain lesson, or where I wish I was still friends with people who have now faded away.
But then I remember that this is life. It isn’t easy. It’s not fair. It is going to kick us to the ground, we just have to show life that we’re strong enough to stand back up.
I sound like a fortune cookie eh?
Meh. I just call things how I see it. This year has started off pretty rocky, but I’m not going to just sit on the beach and play in the sand. No. I’m going to get back on my boat and sail the ocean danggit.
Nothing in life is easy, but sometimes it is worth the struggle. Sadly, we don’t get to know when we will experience these moments. I wish I knew, then I could be more at ease.
Every second is a new chance to turn your life around. You have to make the decision to take one of those seconds, and turn it into a minute, an hour, or a lifetime. Don’t wait for someone else to come and steal your seconds, time is running out.
Man, I’m full of clichés today… I promise it’s only because I am feeling a bit.. Hm… Not my usual self, and so I wanted to make a post dedicated to those who read my blog, or people who are just starting to read my blog. Think of these inspiring thoughts as a thank you gift.
I know I don’t have these feelings all by myself. Many of you have expressed that fact to me. And so, I just want to give you a nudge… help you feel better. I promise, this helps myself feel better :)
Now, for those of you who are waiting for wedding pictures, etc.. You get to wait longer! Not fair, I know, but I don’t have pictures yet, so just be patient mmmkay?
And sadly, this is as exciting as this post gets for the day. I’m ready to go to bed and forget about a few things that are on my mind at the moment...
Night guys :)
Oh! And..
Don’t you ever, ever, feel like you’re less then perfect <3
Chels

Best Friends Week. (Not really, just to me)

2011-01-23T01:11:00.004-07:00

Heeeeeeey,
So, this is going to be a different blog post, because this week is different.
Now, I will warn you now. I am only talking about 3 people this post. I would like to tell you that I have more then three best friends, these guys are the top of the list, and they are also impacting my life somehow this week, hence the post about only three of them.
First off, Let’s talk about my favourite red head…
Andy. He’s been my best friend since 8th grade. (We knew each other in 7th grade, but I hated him for most of the year, and then he hated me for a bit, then we became friends). I Remember when we looked like this…

Yeah… Our friend group was awesome haha. We went from looking like.. Junior High kids, to….

High School kids at football games, to……

Ahhhh. Grown up kids! Any who. Andy, Andy, Andy.

He is leaving me for two years on Wednesday. He’ll be serving many wonderful people in Washington, and I couldn’t be more excited. He’s helped me gain a stronger testimony in the church, and he’s always been there for me. I know he’s blessed my life in more ways then I could ever express to him, that is how I know he will for sure bless lives on his mission. He’s giving a talk in about 9 hours from now, and I’ll be there, front row, and I will more then likely cry.. Just thinking about it now is making me tear up a little bit.
Next is my brother Joshua.

Yes. That’s him.
Josh and I are only 17 months apart from one another, and so, when we were growing up, people used to think we were twins. We never left each others side, and when we went to Pre-school/Day care, we wouldn’t play with the other kids. We would only play with each other, and it was awesome.

Yes, we’re brother and sister, so we have obviously fought about anything and everything, but he is my brother, and I love him. He’s my protector, always willing to beat up boys who are jerks to me, and teaching me how to beat them up by myself. He taught me how to stop in skating, we were each others competition through out school, and he’s been an example to me in more ways then I’ll admit.

This is the same boy, and his fiancée’ Arielle. They will be getting married on Wednesday. (Anyone noticing a trend here?)
I will be losing my best friend on Wednesday, to someone who I know deserves him, but still. It’s like, my sister moving to Boston all over again, except he’ll still live in Utah.
Finally, My best friend Brittany.
We don’t really have anything exciting going on this week, but she will be with me at Andy’s farewell talk, and she’s my date to my brothers wedding ;). She will also be coming with me on February 19th, to go see the amazingly funny…

In Logan :) I’m very excited.
Any who, I think I could write a novel and a half on mine and Brittany's friendship.

We are both Harry Potter Fanatics. We dress up to premiers, we constantly pretend we have wands and will randomly shout out spells at each other, mutter about Muggles and Voldemort, and be just plain awesome.

We randomly dress up as Lady Gaga and Ke$ha…

We try on ugly dresses and pose, for the fun of it…

We go on crazy awesome adventures to the mall, Ikea, and other places… And of course, we cause havoc, chaos, and fun :)

And we’re just plain awesome. I have officially decided that, after a lot of thought, researching, and prayer, I am going to go to UVU in the fall, with her :) I’m actually really excited. Not going to lie, I was watching the Hannah Montana Forever ending, and Lily and Miley reminded me of Britt and I, and I realized that “You only have one chance to go to College with your best friend..” After I heard that, it was like –BAM!- Chelsea?! What were you thinking?! Idiot! So, now I’m waiting to see if UVU will accept me, again, and what kind of scholarship I can receive :)
Hah. I just realized this post has a lot of pictures in it. I really hope you enjoyed them, as I don’t usually post pictures.. It’s become a recent habit of mine.
So, in conclusion, I’m… Well, not losing, but.. Losing two best friends this week, and keeping one all to myself :P I will post pictures of the wedding as soon as I have some, and will blog about the many random yet thoughtful, thoughts that I have this week.
I hope you have an amazing day :)
<3 Chels
P.S I can breathe again! It was confirmed that I had Pneumonia, but luckily they caught it in time, or else I would more than likely be writing this from a hospital bed. Thank goodness I listen to my body when it tells me things. As of right now, I have an inhaler, because I still have some crap in my lungs, and I have another antibiotic to take. Sadly, my voice isn’t 100 percent yet, but I hope that it will be by wedding time... I want to belt out songs on the dance floor haha!

A shower, and thoughts from the sick kid.

2011-01-18T22:42:00.003-07:00

Happy thoughts first.

I'm not sure if I told you, but I am no longer going through the tortures of physical therapy. Nor do I have to see that doctor anymore.

White Collar is back on TV. Mmmm. Okay, if you're a guy reading my blog, let me have my moment. Matthew Bomer is a very attractive man. And the series is good too. He just makes it a little more pleasant to watch ;)

Now for the real blog.

Showers are a blessed (bless-ed) thing. They help you think even when you don't want to. In showers, you can think by yourself. They help you think about thoughts that were secretly hidden in your head. (Also, I think this shower would be amazing to have, wouldn't you agree?)

However, it didn't help me breathe any better as I had hoped it would. (You will hear about that if you read to the very end)

Anyways, what particular thoughts did I come up with today?

First, is James. I honestly want to be friends again. I miss not having him to talk to, and although I love every single one of you, he was an outsider to most situations, and always gave me good advice. I would like to think I helped him as well, but if I can have anything back, and I mean anything, it would be my friendship with him.

Second, I think I may leave Utah in the fall.

Reader: Whaaaaat?! Are you crazy?!

(This is Niagara Falls in Canada, at night)

No. I'm not. I have always wanted to go back to Canada to go to school. Ever since I was in elementary school. I love my cousins, I love being surrounded by my home country, I just love it all.

What has kept me from reaching that goal? Trying to be someone I'm not. Well, in a way. Don't get me wrong, I want to go to Utah State, but at the same time, I don't. I have amazing friends and family up in Logan, but it isn't exactly my number one choice. I would also love to go to UVU with my best friend Brittany, however, that's not my number one choice either. I want to go to school in Canada. Even if it was just for a year, although I'm sure if I left, you wouldn't see me back in Utah again until after I graduate, only because I'm not sure how well my credits would transfer across the border.

Also, I should do it now, while I don't have a boyfriend, kids, anyone to really tie me down. Sure, my family, my mom and dad, are here, but I would be leaving anyways to attend school elsewhere. I know, all my friends are here, so I would have to start over, but think about it. If you are reading my blog, than we are either friends, or you're a family member. So, if you're my friend, you are either in college, or are just starting to settle down. You're moving on with your life, moving on with or without me. Who's to say we can't still be friends? Nothing. Unless you let 3,000 miles interfere with our friendship, nothing can really stop you.

Am I delusional? On a million medications to the point where I have lost my mind? No. I just barley took medicine, so if my spelling starts to look like this asdfgh, you now know why.

Anyways, a lesson I've learned is that, although I constantly try to plan for the future, I can never truly know what is in store for me. It's also no fun. I mean, life is about taking chances. Some of those chances, won't happen, unless you do something reckless, stupid, or totally out of your element. For me, moving to Canada would be a whole new experience for me, and full of new adventures. I'm not saying that I can't have these adventures in Utah, but if I never try, than I'll never know.

If you've made it this far, congrats. I'm almost done. I'm just going to update you on me, and then I'll let you return to whatever you were doing.

How am I feeling currently? Well, I can't stop coughing for the life of me. It's not fun, because when I cough, it restricts breathing to my whole body. (Obviously...) No fever, but I still don't really have a voice, and my nose is all stuffed up. My chest still hurts/feels like someone is sitting on it, so if things don't improve by tomorrow, I will have to make an appearance at the hospital. Erg.

Sometimes, late at night, it just hits me. This is my life, I can do whatever I want. I will have to accept my own decisions and consequences, but only I have to live with those choices.

I adore you people who read my blog. Hopefully, my posts are not all that boring, but you know what? If you find that they are boring, then you are welcome to leave. Remember, you only have three choices in life. Give up, give in, or give it all you've got. I'm going to go with the third choice, and try to do something with myself. I'm not exactly sure where that will take me, but I'm ready to make my own mistakes. Good night guys.

<3 Chels

I kind of have Pneumonia?

2011-01-17T15:42:00.000-07:00

How do you respond when the doctor tells you that you 'kind of' have something?

"You 'kind of' have cancer."

"You are 'kind of' pregnant."

"You 'kind of' have a tumor."

"You 'kind of' have Pneumonia." Oh, okay. I only 'kind of' have it. No big deal then.

Psh. Yeah, anyways, Doctors' visits usually mean that I honestly can't live with whatever is happening to me, and that I seek a second opinion, because google wouldn't help me out anymore.

And all it really got me was a 'kind of' answer. No. I'm not dissing on my doctor, I just find this situation hilarious. Right now, they're treating me as if I have some other sickness, but if I'm not better in four days, or if I pass out, or my symptoms become more severe, then they will know for sure that I have Pneumonia and I will be treated for that. How obnoxious. This is why I hate going to the doctors. Whenever I go in, the situation is always worse then what I thought it was going to be. Bah.

In case you're wondering, no, I am not contagious. In fact, shall I give you a definition?

Pneumonia is a respiratory condition in which there is inflammation of the lung.

Doesn't that sound lovely?!

Because it's not. In fact, I would rather have ankle surgery again then deal with this. And THAT is saying something.

Worst case scenario, I don't get better within four days/symptoms get worse, I get a chest x-ray, and sent to the hospital. No worries, if I have to go to the hospital, I wouldn't be there very long, and there is medication you can take that can treat you at home instead of the hospital.

Best scenario: I get better by tomorrow!!!!!!!!! (Highly unlikely) Bah.

Also.. Just wanted to share something that's currently on my mind.....

Life is all about finding out who you really are. First of all, know that you’re not alone. I don’t think there’s a person on this planet who has not, at one point or another, worn a mask to protect who they really are from a potentially difficult experience. The pressure of believing you’re the only one with this problem is half of what makes it seem so impossible to fix. The second step is figuring out what you’re so afraid of by revealing who you really are. It isn’t that you’re wearing a mask all the time, its that you’re putting it on in an attempt to keep everyone else out. What you need to understand is that by letting someone in, they can get to the core of whatever else is bothering you. Just be straight up. Its hard, but once you break through that wall, the pressure you feel inside will lift, and you’ll probably cry out every single one of those tears ‘til all you can do is laugh to make up for it. That’s when you know you’ve done it. Be real, because a mask only fools people on the outside. Pretending to be someone you’re not takes a toll on the real you, and the real you is more important than anything else.

So, there's my little tidbit of thoughts today.

<3 Chels

Trust is like a piece of paper…...

2011-01-16T00:55:00.002-07:00

Hey guys. I’m still here. Barley. Someone really thinks they’re hilarious by making this past week a week of hell, but I know it’s going to bless me in the end. Eventually. Shall we discuss what I’ve learned this week?
Lesson Number One: It’s hard to cut people who you care about out of your life. Yeah. Lesson learned though? If they can get rid of you faster than they got to know you, obviously you were never important enough to them in the first place, or they would Fight for you and Your friendship.
Right.
Second Lesson: You will have friends who are friends with those who hurt you/ who you are trying to cut from your life, don’t make them choose sides, ever. This one hasn’t really come into place yet, I’m positive I will never have to make people choose because I would never intentionally do that, but it’s still hard when you read a blog or a post on facebook and the person you’re trying to forget is brought up. But, life goes on. Don’t ever put your friends in a position to choose sides, it will only cause even more heartache for you, and heartache for them, because you will be putting two different friendships on the line, and for all you know, your friend could need both those friendships.
Third Lesson: Barley sleeping plus everyone coming to work sick = A very sick Chelsea. I hate this lesson. I hate being sick, ever. I feel so… Hm. I feel so helpless, and it sucks. Currently, I’m fighting a fever, lack of sleep, sore throat, coughing, hands being freezing cold (even after a hot shower), and a monster living in my chest that keeps trying to suffocate me. That last one may be a bit of a stretch, but I’m trying to give you a mental picture of what’s happening to me.
Final Lesson: Life can be hell. Just remember that these things happen for a reason. Don’t ever give up, because if you do that, then you’re not helping anyone. I know I’m struggling, but I did some pretty awesome things this past weekend that really helped, and a visit from the bestie tomorrow is also a plus. Boys are dumb, but boys become men, and we marry them in the end. Not necessarily the boy who tried to ruin you, but at one point in their life, men were boys. They grow up, eventually. I know that I’m not giving up, I’m just letting go. There’s a difference. The worst part of this whole experience is being lied to, and finding out later that it’s because you’re not worth the truth. Well, that’s crap. I know I feel that way now, but in reality, you are worth the truth. You can’t have friendship without trust. You can’t have love without trust. You can’t have a friendship, with someone you love, without trust. Do you see where I’m going with this?
You know what you have to do when life gets you down?

As if our beloved friend Dory couldn’t say it any louder (or better),
“Just keep Swimming”.
And that’s it. I’m done dwelling on this past week. I’m only going to look ahead, and learn from the mistakes I made.
Remember, to get up in the morning and know you have to face another obstacle takes determination. To smile when the only thing you want to do is cry takes strength. To act happy when it’s the worst takes courage. To be joyful when the only good news is the best of the worst takes support. To be there and help people through the roughest times takes love. Trust is like a piece of paper. When you crumple it, you can always straighten it out, but it’ll never be perfect again.
Keep taking chances……... Always :) (Brian Regan hint!)
<3 Chels

Be true to yourself, you have to live with the decisions you make.

2011-01-14T01:45:00.003-07:00

Taking chances means screwing up sometimes.
Which, now you all know, I did.
But, it’s also a way to learn. I’m not afraid to keep trying. Obviously, there will be more ‘James’s, however, there will be other guys as well.
What the crap am I talking about when I say “Be true to yourself”? Well, duh.
Don’t change, for anyone. If your sarcastic, loud, obnoxious, straight forward, a leader, not a follower, then keep being those things. Because, in life, you learn who will always be there for you, who never was, and the people who stick with you through the hard times are the people you want to keep. Yes, I’m talking to everyone of you who reminded me that I’m still an awesome person. I’m talking to you who told me that you looked up to me because of how strong I can be through situations.
You all know it’s because I live these situations right? This is not an online story. This is real life. Yeah, I may or may not have been living in a delusion the past four months, but mistakes are mistakes. I’ll keep making them, and I’ll keep learning from them.
One thing I want you all to take from my blog is to keep taking chances. No matter how scary or frustrating it sounds, it’s all worth it. If you don’t take a chance, you’re life is going to be pretty boring.
Now, I’m not saying to go be rebels and go against your beliefs to take a chance, that is called stupidity at it’s best. I’m telling you to stop looking for love. Love will find you. I’m telling you to go out there and have fun, live your life. Don’t let one boy or experience ruin what could be a new exciting adventure for you.
I know that I am certainly not going to let James do that to me.
It really hit me today that he honestly could care less about our friendship. That he never was invested into it as much as I was.
Reader: How could you possibly know this Chelsea?!
Because. If he really was invested in it, he would have apologized already. He would have texted me, or called me asking to start over. And he hasn’t.
And you know what? Yeah, it hurts knowing a friendship is ending. It really is a painful experience, but I’m not going to wait around. I have a life to live, children's lives to ruin, etc, etc.
So, back to my title hmmm? It applies, I try to always make my titles apply.
As I contemplated this whole.. Friendship departure, I realized that you should never, ever, ever change who you are for someone else. You have to live with your decisions, no one else will. You have to live with yourself. No one else has too.
And yes, sometimes you THINK you are alone, but remember kids, my blog is here for a reason. I am always here. I have my moments, but if for some strange, abnormal reason we are not talking, take a look back through my blog. I’m sure you’ll fine the answer to a question you wanted to ask me, or, you can apply one of my situations to your own and learn from what I did. No, don’t try to be like me. I am unique, I cannot be duplicated. You need to live for yourself. You need to stand up for yourself, for what you believe in, everything.
Be your biggest fan.
Because let’s face it, you have people who are going to try and break those dreams of yours, who are dying for you to break down and give up. But then you have people like me who are cheering you on. Maybe not physically, but emotionally, I am always on your side.
Unless, you piss me off.
That’s when you turn to my blog to find an answer ;)
Sadly, I am still hurting, and I’m sure that I will for a while. I think I will always have that hope when I get a text message or a message on facebook that it will be from him, but as I have been reminded countless times, it won't happen.
I deserve better than this. I am too good of a friend to be treated like this.
Now, for more inspiring thoughts from me?
You were given this life because only you are strong enough to live it. I can’t imagine any one of you being like me, in fact, I don’t want anyone to try to be like me, because some of the trials I have faced have been there just for me. They are trials that only I could handle. I can’t imagine trying to be someone else, only because I don’t know what that person has to deal with behind closed doors and such. So, I only hope I can impact you in some way or another that will help you become who YOU want to be. Not what someone else wants you to be.
Another lesson.
Don’t keep holding on to that one person that’s already letting go.
Because we all fall for a player, a jerk, a manwhore, a liar, a fake, an idea, and a mistake. But hey, there’s a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow.
This, my dear friends, is something I will struggle with for the next little while, however during your darkest hour, your true friends stand out, and luckily for me, they have started to make themselves known and are helping me along the way.
Remember, you’re going to fall in love many times before you find the one you’ll be with forever, so just think, now you’re one broken heart closer to happily ever after.
I love you guys. Thanks for letting me know you care :)
<3 Chels

Just like a papercut, the little things hurt so much.

2011-01-12T02:20:00.005-07:00

Here comes goodbye
Here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm going to cry
Here comes the pain
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
Here comes goodbye.
Reader: Chelsea.. Didn’t you have a different post? Something about hating life?
Yes. I did. But it was an unfair post. I was being unfair. I was being immature, and yet, I still have things screwed up with James, so much that I’m pretty sure they’ll never be fixed, however, I am not being fair.
It’s my fault I fall hopelessly in love with the wrong boys, it just happens. I let it happen. Life just happens. It’s not fair, it never will be. However, no matter how carefully you try to choose your words, they will always end up either getting twisted by others, or they will impact someone in a negative way. Hence why I took down my last post.
I don’t want anyone to hate James. We’re not perfect, any of us. I’m not, you’re not, no one is. We make mistakes, we screw up. But then we forgive and move forward. I have so much on my mind, and this is one of them. Do I regret my last post? To a point, but now I have different feelings…
Once again, I find myself stuck in the middle, not knowing what to do or say next. I can’t forget about this weekend. I can’t get it out of my head, and it just, hurts. So, let me have my moment, okay?
I don’t usually struggle with getting rid of people. I can do it in a heartbeat. But this time, this time is different. But, even though I am struggling, I noticed that he’s not. He’s fine. Which leads me to say, I promise, someday you’ll regret losing me, and you’ll think back and say, “Dang, that girl really was there for me."

I’m going to finally try to let him go. Let go of the person who will never give me what I deserve. I deserve better then to be cast aside in my one moment of weakness. Everyone has them, including him.

I deserve to be number one. I do.

Expectations are the root of all heart breaks. And I know I had mine set pretty high. But, for the right guy, I won’t have to lower them. He’ll have high expectations just like me, and we’ll get along, but we’ll also fight, to the point where we may not talk for days, but then we’ll both apologize, and it will make us stronger, not make us grow apart.

So, in conclusion, James, I'm sorry for ever thinking that you cared. I don’t like to quit on people, but I don’t even know if you're worth it anymore. If you're dumb enough to walk away, then fine. I'll be smart enough to let you go. I wish things could have been different. I wish we both didn't say those hurtful things to each other. I wish things weren’t ending the way they are, but there’s nothing left to do about it. I can't let things end this way, but you want them too. I finally give up. I'll stop trying. I quit, because I now realize that you did too, a long, long time ago. Now we're back to the way we were, strangers. If you liked me, if you were really my friend like you said we were, you wouldn't have given up so easily.

Right. I think I have everything I wanted to say off my chest. Yes, I am posting this, but I think this is post worthy. I hope you are all learning from my mistakes.
<3 Chels

I took a chance, now what?

2011-01-08T00:39:00.001-07:00

Who’s really excited that I’m posting?!

I know, I’ve been lagging on the posts lately. Lots of things have been happening that I just, don’t have a lot of time to tell, however, I felt like I needed to post to let people know I’m still alive.

Reader: What’s new Chelsea loo?

Me: A whole freaking lot.

Mostly, this weekend is pretty big in itself.

I’ll be going to…

(hint: my future school)

Yes! Utah State! I’m going to visit James! And my cousins, whom I love SO much (Yes, I know you read my blog, I’m letting you know that James is not the only reason I’m visiting…) I’ll be up there from Sunday to Monday!… As long as the Weather peeps are liars again, and are being very dramatic about this snow storm… (They better be…)

Anywho, let’s not dwell on that.

That my friends, is an iPod touch, which I officially now OWN :)

Santa was a little late, but when Santa is played by yours truly, I can pretty much have Christmas all year. No, I won’t, I’m just saying I could.

I debated the debate of having an iPod touch. For forever. But, I decided that in the long run, not only will be it an easy and cheap communication tool to talk with friends and relatives who are far away.. (My dear sister, I am talking to YOU! Invest in Skype danggit!), but it also has a lot of fun Apps… haha.

Reader: What the heck is that?

Me: A Zipper Purse!

I purchased a Zipper Purse on my fantastic trip to Boston. Today, during lunch, I had it with me, in the break room, and oh my heck. My fellow co-workers thought it was cool. And something I would own. What can I say, I’m unique :P Anywho. Mine is actually Red and White, (Canada :D ) and I adore it. Funny thing is, when I walked into work today, I had come in a little early, so I was wondering for a bit, and a customer came over and started to talk to me about it. Finally, she said “What do you have in there?” And I said the first things that came into my head… “A tent, some clothes, a bunch of books, potions, some food…” ((For those of you who are insane, I am making a reference to Hermione Grangers’ bag of awesomeness in the 7th movie)). Without skipping a beat, she replied,” Nice to meet you Hermione.”

New ~~favourite~~ favorite customer? I think yes. (Why the strikeout? I’m trying to spell favorite the “right” way. Psh.)

What temple is that?

That my friends, is the temple my brother and his fiancée will be getting married in on January 26th…. I have a pretty awesome date to their reception :) That’s all I’m going to say on that subject.

Right. 12:30. I need to get some sleep. I just wanted to keep you all updated, and to let you know that I am taking chances, mine are just more thought up, and slower now.

Take a chance, you won’t know the outcome until you try.

Love you all :)

<3 Chels

Ankle Update! I almost forgot! Physio (Physical Therapy) told me on Thursday that I should be finished THIS MONTH with Physio, as long as my doctor says everything is looking good… All I can say is, my bruised leg is very much excited about this. And so am I!

You're stronger than you think you are...

2010-12-23T02:16:00.000-07:00

but only if you want to be.

Hullo friends! How are we this fine... almost Christmas Eve?

Everyone else has been updating, so I think I shall as well.

Currently, I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of January. It brings many new things, opportunities, friends, relationships, and a sister-in-law. All of which, I am excited about.

Lately, I've found myself in a very overly excited mood. People have pointed out said mood to me at work. I enjoy having this pointed out, because that means I've made a difference in someones' day. No, I'm not going to sit here and people please everybody, but if some people are a little happier because I'm around, that's not a bad thing :).

I find myself cold. Often. It's rather annoying. I blame my surgeries, because before I had the surgery to remove the tumor, and the surgery to fix my ankle, I was never cold in this type of weather..

Now I'm shakin' in the break room, during break. Lame.

I hate physical therapy. With a passion. Why? Because, they have started to use these metal things to 'get rid' of scar tissue. Push it around. Whatever. The true meaning of it, is to make my leg look like someone beat it with a baseball bat. I swear, that's the secret intention. However, I will accept it for now, because hopefully they will stop using it soon. Physio peeps say that my ankle is doing pretty darn good for only being back at physio for almost 2 months now. I'd like to think it's because I'm an over achiever, and when you tell me I can't do something for a while/not at all, I'll work my best to prove you wrong. Because, that's just me.

Ah. James is coming 2 weeks from today! Sadly, I will not be able to see him unless I surprise him, which, okay, I'm thinkin' about doing that. But I'm also working on a project right now that may take up a little bit of my time, for now. I'm working on it. We're working on it. It's all good :)

I found out today that one of my old Elementary school friends is now married with a baby. She's only a month and 2 days older than myself, therefore, the idea freaks me out. Why is everyone getting married? Am I missing something? Is this the era of jobless women? Really? I can assure you, I more than likely won't be getting married for at least another 3 or 4 years. I'd like to either finish, or almost finish my Bachelors, although I know Heavenly Father has other plans for me. I'd like to think that I know what he wants me to do sometimes, and I know for sure, that going forth in my education is one of them, but so is being a wife, and a mom. I just hope I can get my education completed first, before I become a mom at least.

Wow, I feel like an Adult when I talk about things like marriage and children, creepy.

As of late, I have felt that I can never shut up, yet when it comes to actually sitting down and typing/writing, I seem to be at a loss for words. How strange. I know I'm not ADHD or anything like that, I just think that I have many important decisions, and other thoughts that have been on my mind, causing me to think about many things all at once. This sounds like somethings wrong, but in all honesty, I feel fine. Just a lot of decisions to make. Hopefully I'm making the right ones, but I'll never know until I make decisions.

I always have to remember that I'm stronger than I think I am, but only if I want to be. I can't sit here and wait around for someone to do it for me, although I can allow for people to help me. I'm working on that.

2 am. I think I'm going to call it a night. Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays.

And remember,

Keep taking chances, you'll never know what might or could have been if you don't try.

<3 Chels

The countdown begins...

2010-12-15T00:22:00.002-07:00

To what exactly?

The new year my friends :)

I know, I know. "But Chelsea! What about CHRISTMAS?!?!"

Well, let's just say, the New Year holds a lot more in store for me then this year. I want to put this year of problems behind me and start off fresh. As much as I love Christmas, I am looking forward to the many new adventures I will start to have. First, there's James coming :) I'm very excited, because he's like my best friend, and we have a lot planned. Then there's my brothers wedding (Which.. I kind of.. Still.. have to.. get a dress for....... Whoops.) Then, my sister is coming out in March :) March also happens to be my 19th birthday. I know, it's not as exciting as past birthdays, but I think it signifies more to me that I'm growing up. Don't ask me why. It just works out that way. But back to my sister. She and her husband will be officially adopting their little boy and be sealed to him in the temple for time and all eternity. And let's face it, who couldn't love going to the temple for that?

There's also the side note that I'm moving. No, I don't know when exactly, or where I'm going to move too, but I have made it a goal to be moved up to Logan by March/April. I keep changing my mind from February to April, but I decided I won't have enough money saved up to move then. Why am I moving?

You know, I ask myself this question daily. "Why do I want to move away from home so badly? Why do I want to have to pay rent, bills, etc?" Well. To put it bluntly. I want to be an adult. I feel like I am allllways checking in with my parents, and taking on a bunch of their burdens that aren't really something I should worry about. Plus, I'm hoping to transfer to a Wal-Mart up there, so it's not like I'm just going to be irresponsible and move without a job. I'm thinking this out. I'm going to be smart with how I go forth with my new adventures. Including this one.

I'm also taking chances. Again. Yes, I'm pretty sure I will mention this phrase in every blog post, but when I read "I'm taking chances" it always inspires me to continue to do so. For example, I've gone out of my comfort zone and have befriended someone who I would have never befriended. I'm taking a chance by meeting said person, in person. But, I've known said person for three months now, and I don't think there's anything hidden in the background. Of course, my guard is up, no worries. I'm not an idiot. And, I'm not someone you can take advantage of anymore. I've change, but it's for the better.

I've learned to put more trust in God. That's taking a chance, especially for me.

I'm not going to lie when I say I've struggled with God for the past two years of my life. When I found out about the tumor, all I could think of is "Why? What did I do wrong to deserve this?" Yet I learned from that experience, and I met people I don't think I would have met without having surgery. Then there was not being able to afford school. I wondered, "Why am I being punished?! I'm supposed to get an education!" True statement of fact, but then I found out about my Ankle needing surgery, so I feel blessed that I didn't waste money, and that I was able to fix the problem. Sure, I'm still healing, and it looks like I have a whole nother month of this to look forward too, however, without having the surgery, I wouldn't have met a friend who I hold dear to my heart.

If you're still reading, then I'm proud that you consider my thoughts worth reading. I find peace within my blog, and I hope you can find a few things in it as well.

I'll update with more information soon. Hopefully it will be just as exciting :)

<3 Chels

taking chances and suceeding!

2010-12-04T01:14:00.003-07:00

Hello friends! First of all…
IT’S DECEMBER!
You know what that means right? Christmas… Magical moments.. Christmas.. I’m pretty sure December is my most favourite month of the entire year (Including my birthday!) The lights, the snow, the perfect picture moments. I love it all. Hot chocolate by the fire, I mean, come on people. This is taking chances at its finest! ((Christmas itself has to fight against the Atheists, and they're not easy to deal with! I mean, I'm sorry, we wouldn't even be here if it weren't for Christ, and this holiday wouldn't be here if it weren't for Christ. You can't spell Christmas without Christ! It would just be Mas! And who wants to write a song about Mas? NO ONE!!!)), Making amazing memories! Life lives for this time of the year :)
Update on me yes? I mean, it’s obvious that you read my blog to find out more about what I’m up to and things I don’t say on facebook and stuff, so I should continue yes?

I’m back to work :) And although the excitedness has worn off just a bit, I’m still very much happy to be back. A lot of coworkers have expressed their happiness that I’m back, and I’m glad I wasn’t totally forgotten :) Even one of the assistant managers who is a sweetheart said she was glad to see me back. It made me feel very appreciated :)

However, Ms. Grumpy pants here is not very happy about me working again. Have I mentioned I’m still looking at another month of Physical Therapy? I mean, Jeez! You would think my ankle would be a little more appreciated of the things I do for it to stay attached to my person, but no. Whatever am I talking about? It has decided that it wants to make my ankle sore. A lot. However, today I mixed me taking some pain relievers (non drowsy of course), two icy hot patches placed accordingly on my ankle (and not on my new cool scar), and my brace to make it hurt less. I’m onto you ankle, I’m onto you..
Now back to me (and no, this is not a Old Spice commercial, sorry). How am I doing? Much better guys. I’m back to my normal self :) Which means I’m once again letting people vent to me and am a good listener once more. I just had to figure out how to listen to other people’s burdens without taking them on my own shoulders, and with some help from some of my closest friends, I was able to do just that :) Oh! That, and life is finally, finally starting to look my way :)
One of the reasons is because James (names have been changed to protect the identity of the unidentifiable) is coming to Utah in January officially! He has been accepted to Utah State :) Now, who is James? James is one of my best friends. Especially when it comes to guys I can trust. He and I have a lot in common, and he’s just awesome :) We talked on the phone today, and it was one of the best conversations I’ve had over the phone in a long, long time. I’m really grateful god put him in my life, I consider him a real blessing (especially after some of the drama I’ve gone through the past month"). He’s always been there for me (As has my Best Friend Brittany, who has a blog, and my other best friend Eve, who also has a blog), and he’s an amazing listener. No worries, I’m not overusing him. I’ve been lending my ear when he needs it, and have been offering him advice when he asks. (And sometimes when he doesn’t ask). Bah, I’m just so happy with this news :)
Speaking of USU, I’m in the talks with the President of Admissions to help me get a better scholarship, so the financial burden won’t be as big :) I plan to move up to Logan around March/April, so I can be transferred to a Walmart up there so I have a secure job for when I start school (and so I can be up there in general, and no, it’s not just because of James).
Oh! Before I forget, I also did a photo shoot for one of my good friends, Katie Fairchild. Imma say her name, because I’m giving her publicity :) If you like her work, and are interested in learning more about her, you can go here http://katiechristinaphotography.blogspot.com/.

Well, I think I’ve chatted quite enough. How are you doing?
<3 Chels

life needs some clarification every now and then…..

2010-11-23T20:23:00.002-07:00

But the struggles make you stronger, and the changes makes you wise, and happiness has its own way of taking its' sweet time. Life isn’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride.
It seems my last post has caused much stress, and annoyance. Therefore, let me clarify.
I’m alright everyone. I had a breakdown. I had so many things happening all at once, that I just couldn’t take it anymore, and I snapped. I actually don’t tend to discuss my feelings, ever, I may hint at them, but I’m always focused on so many things, that I don’t actually come out and say it. It’s for your own good you know, I don’t think many people were able to see the not-always-strong side of me. Therefore, I apologize.
Before you start being all “Omg, don’t apologize!” You have to understand something. I’m Canadian. We are very polite. We apologize for things that may or may not be our faults. It’s a custom I grew up with, and is therefore apart of who I am.
Good to know that’s cleared up. Anyways, I’m okay now, I promise. I was able to recollect some thoughts, vent to a few close friends, and, experience the most Epic movie ever.

Harry Potter Kids. Harry Potter. That’s me, as Bellatrix Lestrange, and that’s my best friend Brittany, dressed as a Gryffindor. It was an amazing experience, and being with Britt helped me get over my depression funk I was in.

However, I’m not in the clear yet. I need to post some feelings out, because I honestly can’t say them to this person in person, or text, or aim.
To: Person who’s been on my mind the past month and a half, I love talking to you. I love getting to know you, and becoming closer to you. I love how open I can be with you, because of how open you are with me. What I don’t like, is how I always have to text you first, unless I wait till Noon my time to finally get a text from you, because you finally realized that you haven’t talked to me. I feel like me texting you first all the time is making me look desperate, and I don't want to annoy you either. I don’t like how you trust me, but then, don’t trust me at the same time. I’m annoyed that you are wasting your time on a girl who really doesn’t deserve you. –Insert You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift- I’m annoyed that you can’t see that you’re a great person, and that you can do all the things you want to accomplish, you just keep doubting yourself, and it frustrates me. Doubt gets you no where, trust me, I’ve done it. I can’t wait for Brian Regan, and our list of awesomeness, but we can’t even accomplish those until you allow yourself to do so. You’re amazing. Sincerely, Chels.
Done!

Look at mah hair today! Yes! Haha, I did it this way because I actually helped a friend with a photoshoot today. With my purple raincoat that I love to death :) See? I’m doing better everyone.
My ankle? CHA BAM!!!!!!!!!! Way better. I’d take a picture, but it’s actually a little swollen right now. Yeah. Not a really pretty sight.

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Ahhh. Inspiring right? I have one of these three pictures set as my screensaver on my phone, because it inspires me to remember that I’ll be okay, that’s it’s okay to break down everyone once in a while, to let myself feel a little vulnerable at times, and to just keep going. Life goes on. It always does.
I love you guys :) Thanks for being there for me when I needed it most.
<3 Chels

Hi, I’m picking up the pieces to my life, please hold.

2010-11-18T01:44:00.001-07:00

“Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain, kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain”

Oh Taylor Swift, if only it were that easy.

My Facade is over. The mask has been lifted. The truth is out.

I am not okay.

I try to be strong for everyone else, but then when I need it, everyone else has been helped, and I’m left by myself.

Of course, I did not receive this revelation on my own. One of my dear friends finally confronted me.

Whenever she asked how I was doing, I would go on and on about my family’s current situation. I would say how I was worried about Christmas, and worried about bills. I would tell her of the struggles some of my friends were facing, but

I would never talk about myself.

The more I think about it, I have never really thought of myself first.

People claim I’m selfish.

I’d like to ask, "When?"

I have put people first all through my life. Whether it’s admitting I’m wrong when I’m right in order to save a friendship, or putting myself on the line and defend my friend, even if it almost included suspension from school. From giving my friend my lunch because I don’t want to see them go without, to giving my friends rides to wherever they needed to go.

Of course, through my eyes, I’m just helping someone out. I’m doing a good deed.

However, I can now see that I’m being walked on.

My friends know that if they ever need anything, they can come to me. From talking about break ups and new crushes’ at 3 am, to venting about how hard school is. I’m always there. Always.

Well………

I love everyone, dearly, but at the moment. I’m on Hiatus.

My life has fallen apart, emotionally, and I need to start picking up the pieces.

I have been using my friends dramas as a way to hide behind my own pain, and problems, and I can’t do it anymore.

I know, how selfish of me to think of myself for once. But for just this one time, can you put me first? Can you allow yourself to think "Hmmm, I wonder how Chelsea is doing?" or "I wonder if Chelsea needs a break." Because I honestly do, very badly.

I have so much that I’m dealing with at home and with myself right now, that I just need a break from everyone’s drama so that I can try to pick up the pieces to mine.

I know it’s a lot to ask, but please know I love you very much, I just need some time for myself. I will more then likely put my feelings and thoughts on here, but I can’t take your burdens anymore. My shoulders hurt.

“ You see that girl? She seems so invincible right? But just touch her, and she’ll wince. She has secrets and trusts no one. She’s the perfect example of betrayal, because everyone that she’s ever trusted broke her."

That quote fits me more currently.

Yes, I’m tired of trying to pretend that I’m just fine and that everything is okay. It’s not, However, this does not mean that you all should be worried for my health, safety, etc.

It just means that I might not be as focused on you, that I may have a glazed look every now and again, and it’s only because I want to be happier.

Honest.

I just wanted to inform you all, incase you find my posts off and not myself.

It’s because I’m trying to get back to the chipper, happier Chels that you all know and love, and more then likely miss.

If you’ve read this, I’m glad, because it shows that you honestly care about me enough to read this. So, I thank you, and I hope you understand.

Chels.

As a side note, My ankle is better :) I am officially out of a boot, walking without a brace, and my scar is looking mighty fine. I will return back to Work on Dec. 2nd, and I’m really excited about it :)

Time to talk about Me again.

2010-11-12T23:43:00.000-07:00

Ah, that is what the point of this blog is about right?
Me.
Myself.
My Ideas.
Taking chances.
Right.
Well, to be perfectly honest. I feel....
Lost.
Alone.
Secluded.
All of the Above.
Gah, I can't shake off the feeling that no matter how hard I try to keep things together, it will only fall apart in the end. Lovely feeling, isn't it?
I hate feeling like 7 year friendships are ending because we don't hang out as much as we used to, or because I can't trust you anymore.
I hate people changing into people who they said they'd never be.
I hate feeling like a failure toward my friends and family. I'm trying to listen and help you at the same time. Isn't that enough?
I'm so tired of boys pretending to like me, but then decide they don't once they get to know me a lot more.
I'm sorry, is my sarcasm a little too much for you to handle? Is my opinion all that terrifying?
Well, get over it. I'm not changing myself to be some plastic whore.
I'm not perfect.
But let me clue you in on a secret.
NO ONE IS.
The only person I know who is perfect is Christ, and he does NOT walk among the earth.
The Prophet comes a close second, but in all honesty, none of us is perfect, nor will we be. We all have our own faults, something that distinguishes us different from everyone else.
But that's the thing. I'd rather be unique, then the same. Different, the Ordinary. Opinionated, then not.
That's what makes me who I am, and I am sick of people not respecting me for it, or loving me for who I am.
Love.
Hah.
I laugh at that word. In all honesty, I see people who throw love around as if not saying it is the end of the world.
Well, I'm sick of saying love to people who don't deserve it. So, from now on, Imma say "Pancake" instead of love.
I Pancake you.
I pancake pancakes.
I pancake waffles.
See, it's already sticking.

Another thing I learned from a dear friend of mine who I had the chance to visit with yesterday, I put others in front of myself all the time.
Why?
Honestly, I'm waiting to see who's going to put me first. Not in a selfish reason, but to see who cares enough to do so.
Bah, I promise I'm not depressed, I'm just being an annoying, whiny, teenager, because I don't know how else to express how I feel currently. Hence why I chose to turn to my blog for comfort.
I feel, so, alone, and so...unwanted/unappreciated that It's really getting to me. I know it's Satan just trying to bring me down, as if Gravity wasn't doing a well enough job, but he's actually sort of succeeding.
Can't just one boy want to pull me into his arms and hug me because he feels comforted in knowing that he's comforting me at the same time? I promise I'll do the same for him as well, I mean, how could I honestly not?
I have all this love to give, but no one to give it to.
I hate being single, but I don't want to get married. Yet.
I still have a lot to accomplish, of course being a mom is one of them, but not right now.
Not at 18.
*sigh*
I'm still waiting for something good to happen. No worries, I'm not just waiting around for it to happen, I'm actually doing things about it, but have had no success.
This one boy I like and I kind of had a misunderstanding today, and now things are...... Well, we'll let the dots show how that's going.
And my family financial situation hasn't gotten much better. I'm worried about Christmas, I don't think I'll be able to get back to work on time to really help pay for a Christmas for my younger brothers.
I need a miracle.

Bah. I'm sorry I'm not being very uplifting today. Might I interest you in an uplifting quote to help start or end your day off better?

"But the struggles make you stronger,
and the changes make you wise,
and happiness has its own way of
taking its sweet time. Life isn't always
beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride. "

I don't know who you are, you could be one of my friends, family members, or a complete stranger, but know this. No matter who you are, someone cares about you very much. You may not realize it, but someone does. Always.

Peace.
<3 Chels

P.S. These song lyrics kind of fit my life right now. I thought I'd share them with you.

I thought I knew it all
I've been through the highs, said all my goodbyes
Learned to run before I learned to crawl
It's not worth fighting for if one of us is sure
And one of us is dying, trying to find loves cure

I have waited all my life to paint these cities red
Thoughts I've always had here are stuck inside my head
It's not worth waiting for if one of us wants more
And one of us is dying, trying to find love's door

When we learn how to fly
We forget to how walk
When we learn how to sing
We don't wanna hear each other talk

Here we are at the finish line, ah
Here we are at the finish line

And you, you really thought you knew
Everything to do
With holding onto me and holding on
This time is making me slip right through your hands
And now you don't understand
Trying to find love all yourself

When we learn how to fly,
We forget to how walk
When we learn how to sing
We don't wanna hear each other talk
When we know what we want
We forget what we need
When you find who you are
You forget about me

Here we are at the finish line, ah
Here we are at the finish line, ah
Here we are at the finish line

Let’s talk about EVE!

2010-11-08T23:36:00.001-07:00

This post is NOT about me :)

So, I have this friend named Eve, who I have given a nickname in past posts, but not I’m kind of to the point that, if I find out you stalked her or anything. I will beat you.

Anyways, She and I met at work and became fast friends, and have just hung out ever since. She’s visited me a whole lot since I’ve been away from work, so I’d just like to devote a post to her to let her know how much I appreciate all that she does for me, and for especially coming to my house and visiting me while I’ve been homebound. I appreciate her friendship, and today we went and I got to snag a few pictures of her, and I played around with them a little bit :) But first, I’d like to semi tell you about her ( in my eyes)

Evie is:

Euphoric. She can be happy about something for no reason. and it rubs off on you.

Very caring of those she cares about. If you need someone to talk or vent to, she is there for you.

Intelligent. Not only does she have a lot of wisdom about many topics, she can hold her ground during an argument, and she can also help you through a difficult situation, even if she hasn’t experienced it herself.

Exciting to be around. She can make a party out of any situation, and she can have fun without stupid things ( Drugs, Alcohol, Boys, etc…)

I appreciate her :)

Haha, Happy post for the day :) I might post about what’s really on my mind later, buuuut we’ll see :)

<3 Chels

Taking chances everyday, and learning from mistakes along the way :)

2010-11-05T00:54:00.005-06:00

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I'm not breaking.

This is a warning. A warning that this blog post is going to set a whole lot of things straight. I’ve made up my mind on some decisions and things.. So, it’s kind of long. Just wanted to warn you :) Oh! And I have a new picture of my healing ankle! I’ll put it at the bottom, in case you don’t want to see it :)

Now that I have that out of the way.. Here we go :)

First things first, Boys? Not important. I’m not even kidding. There were reasons we met, reasons for the good times, and reasons for the bad times. Most importantly, it ended for a reason. I have more to learn, more to experience, and more loving to do in this lifetime then to waste it on a guy that honestly, I could do much better then. No, I’m not saying this to be cocky. I was honestly selling myself short, and it took me this long to realize it, but it’s okay. Maybe my friends are right. Maybe I did get my hopes up too high. Maybe I was in over my head. Maybe I am the stupid one for ever thinking that he liked me, but maybe, just maybe, I was tired of being alone. Life goes on. I’ve lasted this long without having a guy in my life, being alone was better then trying to be with someone who doesn’t respect me. However, now that I’ve been hurt, I’m scared to get attached again. I kind of feel like every guy I start to like is going to break my heart again, but then I realized that of course I’m going to get my heart broken. It isn’t just going to happen once, but a lot. That’s just part of growing up, and it makes me stronger. I’ll be able to handle it better next time. I may not be able to get through it by myself, but my friends will help me through it. I’ll be a stronger person because of it, and one day, someone will come along, and it will all pay off. Eventually, everything will come together. Until then, I’ll live it up. I’m going to do what makes me happy. Mistakes only make us stronger, I’m going to go with my gut, and guard my heart.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve learned several things. Life is full of disappointments and people you trusted will sooner or later let you down. Often, those you love will love someone else and there's only one way to fall- fast and hard. Out of thousands of smiles, it takes one to touch your heart. Everything can change in the blink of an eye and tears often come without invitation. But, crying can make us stronger and there is never too much love to go around. I’ve found that every time you give someone a piece of your heart, it's a piece that you will never get back. The past is meant to be put behind us and we can't dwell on regrets, for what is done is done. Trusting yourself is the first step and that forgiving is remembering, and that helps your own heart more than theirs. Some things aren't meant to be understood and only time heals. Imagination is our greatest gift and we are meant to dream for a reason. It’s never too late to fall in love and being beautiful is all on the inside. So I’m going to get out there and liven up this world, leave my mark, make a difference, because in five years we will want to rewind, but we can’t. So, I’m going to stop worrying about boys. Now is the time of our lives, let’s make memories that will never fade.
I believe that who we are is who we choose to be. Nobody is going to save you, you’ve got to save yourself. Nobody is going to give everything. You have to go out there and fight for it. Nobody knows what you want except you. Most of all, nobody will be as sorry as you if you don’t go out there and get what you want. And what I want is to go to Utah State.
To my sister who is reading this. No, I have not been brainwashed, or pressured into this decision. It has been on my mind constantly. I’ve been praying about this for weeks, and fasted twice. I’ve poured my heart into the scriptures, and finally, felt a different feeling then before. I will go to Boston, but it will be a trip during the summer, just to visit. I belong at Utah State. It’s what I’ve wanted for the past year, and I have been flip-flopping on this since I found out I wouldn’t be going, and after 5 months, it’s been made very clearly where I’m headed next fall.
However, I have officially decided that I want to be an English teacher, so I’m going to get a Major in English, and then, because I like to overload myself, I want to get a Minor in Music :)
So, here is my Ankle, it is healing very well :)
The two hour physical therapy proved that.. But this is just the beginning :) I can’t wait to be able to run again, and go ice skating, and play roller hockey, and.. Go back to Work! :) But most of all, I’m most excited to NOT WEAR A CAST/BOOT/BRACE!. . . . .
Alright, enough about me. How are you?
<3 Chels

Taking Chances, with a Poem.

2010-11-02T01:19:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I write my true thoughts in a Rhyme Poem. This is one of those times.

Dear Friend,
How are you today?
Is everything alright?
Are you doing okay?
I know something's bothering you,
It happens to all of us, to tell you the truth.
We try to pretend that we're all really strong,
But eventually we fall apart, and we're wrong.
How are you this night?
By the way that you're talking, something's not quite right.
It doesn't matter how well we know one another,
What matters is how we help each other.
I may not know all the right words to say,
And I might end up making mistakes along the way,
But god put me on earth for a reason,
and I'll always be here if you need someone to listen.
Oh, I figured it out.
You're trying to die without telling me what it's about.
You think you're alone and that no one can help,
But the truth is that you're only doubting yourself.
In order to get through this, you have to let go.
I need to know everything, go ahead and speak slow.
I'm here to help you and to open your eyes,
Your hiding behind such miserable lies.
Your not worthless, crazy, or even a mess,
You are just someone who is in deep distress.
Let me in, Let me come through,
I don't want to lose a good friend like you.
Life will only get better from here,
Please look at me without shedding a tear.
Know that I only have your future at heart,
I promise that this is just a bumpy start.
I don't promise that life will be easy,
but it will be worth it, please just trust me.
Put down the knife, and give me your hand
I'll help you create a new thought out plan.
I promise that I will be by your side,
I'll never forget you, or leave you behind.
I promise that this will not be the end,
I'll be with you forever, my dear friend.

If that didn’t give you a clue, I’m sorry.
I’m kind of struggling right now with one of my friends. I know she’s going through a hard time right now, but she’s being stubborn and not listening to anyone. Therefore, I had to do some ‘Tough Love’ on her. I don’t regret anything I said, surprisingly she took it well. I think she needs someone to tell her that what she is thinking is stupid, and that if she wants to get over it, she has to be open about it with the people who love her most.... But at the same time, I can’t help but wonder how I can help her anymore then I am right now. She already sees a therapist, and her parents know, but yet.. she’s a mess. A mess that I want to fix, but can’t seem to find the mop to clean it up.
I know that I can’t fix anyone. I know that I can’t force them to do anything, however, I can be supportive of them, and let them know that someone cares and is willing to listen.. Right?
No, scratch that. I know I’m going the right thing. Life is about taking chances, and moving on… Not taking chances, then committing suicide because that seems like the easiest way out of things. No, that’s RIDICULOUS.
There is always, always, ALWAYS, another way. There is always help.
You just have to search for it.
I’m going to bed now, please, please think about someone who may be having a hard time right now. Now think about a way you can help them, maybe by babysitting, or taking them to a movie, or just spending time with them will make all the difference.

<3 Chels